Houston, we have a problem. Those words have been immortalized on film. My daughter said to me something eerily similar the other day, “Mom, I think you have a problem.”
Uh-oh. I brace myself for whatever is coming. “I think you’re addicted to salsa.” Her tone of voice couldn’t have been more sincere.
“You eat way too much of it,” her one-girl intervention continues. “Can you even go one day without eating it?”
She might be on to something. When was the last day I went without eating it? Of course I can go one day without eating it. Ah, who cares? As snacks go, it’s a pretty healthy choice.
Egads! Now I’m rationalizing!
“Seriously, Mom, when was the last time you didn’t have any salsa?” I start counting the days in my head…crap! She got me! I know when it was & I am embarrassed to admit it. I’ve been so centered on the stuff, I can name the date that started it. But that doesn’t mean I’m addicted, does it?
I’ve always liked salsa, since the first time I ever tried it. There have been some versions I like better than others, but generally speaking, picante, pico de gallo, salsa verde & salsa roja…the Mexican or southwest US relish or chutney commonly made from onions, peppers & tomatoes or tomatillos. It can be chunky or smooth. It can be made with beans or corn. I’ve had fruit salsa, spicy as well as sweet. But the sad thing is that I’ve never found a salsa from a jar for sale in the supermarket that rivals anything you can get at a Mexican restaurant.
We have a favorite local Mexican restaurant. My husband went to cooking school. He once worked at a Mexican restaurant. Remember these 3 facts.
So one day out of the seeming blue, my friend calls me & asks me to do her favor. She never asks for anything & she does so much for me, of course I agree. Turns out, she decided to sell Tupperware & wanted me to host a party for her. No problem. It’s fun to get the girls together.
For her product demonstration, she opts for a manual food processor, a can opener, a juicer, a serving set, a spatula & a storage container. In the storage container she has a few cloves of garlic, half a cleaned & peeled red onion, a lime & a handful of cilantro sprigs….you already know where I’m going with this. Into the food processor go the garlic & onions, turn the handle a few times… open a can of Ro-Tel tomatoes with chilies & dump into the food processor with the chopped onion & garlic. Add the cilantro, kept totally fresh in the storage container. Juice the lime into the mix. A few more spins of the crank, then her secret ingredient which I won’t divulge. Voila! Practically instant salsa! She used the spatula to get all remnants of the salsa into the serving bowl & that conveniently clips onto the side of a larger bowl which holds the chips. Ingenious really.
I love Ro-Tel. I love salsa. Why have I never thought of this? I know all about the Ro-Tel & Velveeta microwave con queso dip. Deee-LISH!! But salsa from Ro-Tel was brand spankin’ new to me. Of course my friends & I scarfed it down in no time. I told my husband this crazy idea. I could all but see the gears turning. “Why haven’t we ever thought of this?” he asks me.
The next day he comes home from work with Ro-Tel tomatoes, lime, cilantro & chips. We have everything else. “I want to try it with a Spanish onion. Not so crazy about red onion,” he says to me like it is news. We zip it up in our old-fashioned electric mini-food processor.
“Hmmm, it needs something,” he ponders aloud. I tell him my friend’s secret ingredient & he adds it. It’s better, but not what he’s looking for. I think it’s fine. I go to town on it & get so full I can’t eat dinner.
The next day he has more Ro-Tel. Today he is adding ancho peppers too. And salt. Now it has more heat, & it has something he thought it was missing, but he still thinks he can tweak it. I think it’s fine & eat almost the whole thing after dinner & want to puke before bed. I didn’t, but I probably should have.
See, the thing is, when it’s spicy like that, one way to keep it from burning is to keep your mouth full! Just a little tip for you.
Another day, this time a variation on her secret ingredient. He likes it better. I think it’s fine, but I like her secret ingredient better than the variation. The next day, we try it half & half with her secret ingredient & his variation.
Hey, that’s tasty! See why it was important to remember those 3 little facts from earlier up the page?
“Honey, we’re out of salsa. Could you pick up the stuff on the way home so we can make more? Uh-huh, chips too. Thanks. I love you!”
We are doing this daily now. "Hi. My name is Mom, & I'm a salsaholic."Then he comes home & announces, “Hey, Ro-Tel makes different blends. They stock them at the B grocery store. It has the cilantro & lime already in it.” He’s beaming like a proud papa. Enabler! We whip it up. Hmmm. something’s odd. “Did you put the ancho in?” he asks me. I’m often his sous chef.
“Yep.”
“Salt?”
“Yep. I did it all exactly the same only I didn’t add fresh lime or fresh cilantro.”
He tastes it. “Hmmm, it’s not as fresh tasting.” Maybe we add a fresh tomato & see if that helps. It does, but not enough. I didn’t finish that batch within a day or two. In fact, I still have some left in a Tupperware container in my fridge.
“Honey, that last batch cured me of the Ro-Tel salsa cravings. Now I want my sister’s corn & black bean salsa.”
My daughter, the one who hates tomato chunks & even the smell of salsa & accused me of addiction, perks right up. “Oh, yes, get that! I like that one!”
So last night I whipped up a batch of the tomato-less salsa. No food processor, it’s just me, a can opener, a knife & my cutting board. Corn, black beans, navy beans, onion & celery dressed with a little sugared vinegar (Splenda actually works in this!) & a tiny bit of vegetable oil. Today that was my lunch. Don’t look at me like that. Beans have protein! And it is all vegetables! How can that be bad?
Now I might really be salsa’d out. I seriously feel ill.
This is how I didn’t become an alcoholic in college. Over-induge, feel like crud & don’t do it again…..No addiction, thank you very much.
“Daughter o’ mine? The corn salsa is all yours!” Maybe I had a problem... If I did, I think I've been cured.
Uh-oh. I brace myself for whatever is coming. “I think you’re addicted to salsa.” Her tone of voice couldn’t have been more sincere.
“You eat way too much of it,” her one-girl intervention continues. “Can you even go one day without eating it?”
She might be on to something. When was the last day I went without eating it? Of course I can go one day without eating it. Ah, who cares? As snacks go, it’s a pretty healthy choice.
Egads! Now I’m rationalizing!
“Seriously, Mom, when was the last time you didn’t have any salsa?” I start counting the days in my head…crap! She got me! I know when it was & I am embarrassed to admit it. I’ve been so centered on the stuff, I can name the date that started it. But that doesn’t mean I’m addicted, does it?
I’ve always liked salsa, since the first time I ever tried it. There have been some versions I like better than others, but generally speaking, picante, pico de gallo, salsa verde & salsa roja…the Mexican or southwest US relish or chutney commonly made from onions, peppers & tomatoes or tomatillos. It can be chunky or smooth. It can be made with beans or corn. I’ve had fruit salsa, spicy as well as sweet. But the sad thing is that I’ve never found a salsa from a jar for sale in the supermarket that rivals anything you can get at a Mexican restaurant.
We have a favorite local Mexican restaurant. My husband went to cooking school. He once worked at a Mexican restaurant. Remember these 3 facts.
So one day out of the seeming blue, my friend calls me & asks me to do her favor. She never asks for anything & she does so much for me, of course I agree. Turns out, she decided to sell Tupperware & wanted me to host a party for her. No problem. It’s fun to get the girls together.
For her product demonstration, she opts for a manual food processor, a can opener, a juicer, a serving set, a spatula & a storage container. In the storage container she has a few cloves of garlic, half a cleaned & peeled red onion, a lime & a handful of cilantro sprigs….you already know where I’m going with this. Into the food processor go the garlic & onions, turn the handle a few times… open a can of Ro-Tel tomatoes with chilies & dump into the food processor with the chopped onion & garlic. Add the cilantro, kept totally fresh in the storage container. Juice the lime into the mix. A few more spins of the crank, then her secret ingredient which I won’t divulge. Voila! Practically instant salsa! She used the spatula to get all remnants of the salsa into the serving bowl & that conveniently clips onto the side of a larger bowl which holds the chips. Ingenious really.
I love Ro-Tel. I love salsa. Why have I never thought of this? I know all about the Ro-Tel & Velveeta microwave con queso dip. Deee-LISH!! But salsa from Ro-Tel was brand spankin’ new to me. Of course my friends & I scarfed it down in no time. I told my husband this crazy idea. I could all but see the gears turning. “Why haven’t we ever thought of this?” he asks me.
The next day he comes home from work with Ro-Tel tomatoes, lime, cilantro & chips. We have everything else. “I want to try it with a Spanish onion. Not so crazy about red onion,” he says to me like it is news. We zip it up in our old-fashioned electric mini-food processor.
“Hmmm, it needs something,” he ponders aloud. I tell him my friend’s secret ingredient & he adds it. It’s better, but not what he’s looking for. I think it’s fine. I go to town on it & get so full I can’t eat dinner.
The next day he has more Ro-Tel. Today he is adding ancho peppers too. And salt. Now it has more heat, & it has something he thought it was missing, but he still thinks he can tweak it. I think it’s fine & eat almost the whole thing after dinner & want to puke before bed. I didn’t, but I probably should have.
See, the thing is, when it’s spicy like that, one way to keep it from burning is to keep your mouth full! Just a little tip for you.
Another day, this time a variation on her secret ingredient. He likes it better. I think it’s fine, but I like her secret ingredient better than the variation. The next day, we try it half & half with her secret ingredient & his variation.
Hey, that’s tasty! See why it was important to remember those 3 little facts from earlier up the page?
“Honey, we’re out of salsa. Could you pick up the stuff on the way home so we can make more? Uh-huh, chips too. Thanks. I love you!”
We are doing this daily now. "Hi. My name is Mom, & I'm a salsaholic."Then he comes home & announces, “Hey, Ro-Tel makes different blends. They stock them at the B grocery store. It has the cilantro & lime already in it.” He’s beaming like a proud papa. Enabler! We whip it up. Hmmm. something’s odd. “Did you put the ancho in?” he asks me. I’m often his sous chef.
“Yep.”
“Salt?”
“Yep. I did it all exactly the same only I didn’t add fresh lime or fresh cilantro.”
He tastes it. “Hmmm, it’s not as fresh tasting.” Maybe we add a fresh tomato & see if that helps. It does, but not enough. I didn’t finish that batch within a day or two. In fact, I still have some left in a Tupperware container in my fridge.
“Honey, that last batch cured me of the Ro-Tel salsa cravings. Now I want my sister’s corn & black bean salsa.”
My daughter, the one who hates tomato chunks & even the smell of salsa & accused me of addiction, perks right up. “Oh, yes, get that! I like that one!”
So last night I whipped up a batch of the tomato-less salsa. No food processor, it’s just me, a can opener, a knife & my cutting board. Corn, black beans, navy beans, onion & celery dressed with a little sugared vinegar (Splenda actually works in this!) & a tiny bit of vegetable oil. Today that was my lunch. Don’t look at me like that. Beans have protein! And it is all vegetables! How can that be bad?
Now I might really be salsa’d out. I seriously feel ill.
This is how I didn’t become an alcoholic in college. Over-induge, feel like crud & don’t do it again…..No addiction, thank you very much.
“Daughter o’ mine? The corn salsa is all yours!” Maybe I had a problem... If I did, I think I've been cured.
