Maybe I'm a Baby

People have suggested to me that I should blog. Maybe.....I'd answer them. The truth is, it interests me. I like to write. I've been told many times in my life that I ought to write, but honestly, I don't know where to start. What will I write about? Who will read it? Who will care? What if I suck?

You know what? I don't care so much if I suck anymore....but maybe I won't. I'm more interested in that part. Maybe I won't suck!! Wouldn't that be great?

I used to care a lot if I sucked. I was very worried about looking like a dork. I didn't want to be a geek. I cannot 'embrace my inner nerd' as my friend Robin, who also blogs, does so graciously. I still don't want to be the oddball. I went through phases of being a wallflower to being the life of the party & settling comfortably somewhere in between. But none of those things would mean I definitely suck. Sucking at something is not the same as being less than cool, right? Because I don't care if I'm cool. Not anymore. I went through phases of being cool, wanting to be cool, trying to be cool, but now it doesn't matter to me anymore if I am cool or if I ever was cool. And it still has nothing whatsoever to do with sucking...

What will suck, I've determined, is if I start this blog & can't think of anything to say. But maybe that won't happen... I've had a few adventures in my life. I've had a few disappointments. I've had a lot of laughs. I've noticed a few things. Maybe I do have a few things to say. Maybe we'll have to let it develop on its own & see where it takes us. I think I'm a little bit undecided.

The baby in me is panicked but the woman I have struggled to become is trying to muster up the courage. The shy girl with fangs & a widow's peak who was teased relentlessly (the kids used to say that all I had to do for Halloween was slick my hair back & go as Dracula!) who became the girl with the glasses & braces who became the over-endowed teenager that finally got needed encouragement & validation (from a boy, of course! He told me I was smart- imagine that. After I learned to believe that, he told me I was beautiful...sometime after that he broke my heart & I found my backbone all by myself.) From then on, I was on the right path. But I digress... Forgive me, I do that from time to time.

So my inner baby is freaking out & my more-mature, semi-confident self is trying the one-sided pep talk, saying all the things my blogger friend Dawn said to me when she encouraged me to do this, "You totally have the skillz." YIKES! Here we go, about to find out- maybe I do, maybe I don't, & maybe nobody will even read it? There are equal parts dread & hope there.
Maybe I'm a baby.