Out with the Old, Baby!

For those of you who have asked, thanks, & here's why there haven't been many enties from me this past month. I wasn't fully in the spirit. I know it's kind of shocking. But honestly, I was really pretty bipolar about Christmas this year. I was the normal excited to celebrate with my family & to enjoy everything with my kids, but I faced another tradition with dread. I felt stress & annoyance at the whole idea of it. Christmas Eve with my husband's family...ugh.

I told myself when I started writing that it wouldn't be a place to air my issues with those people, but you know what? It's my life. It's my story. People say that if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all....but I can't deny a whole huge portion of what affects me to please people there's no pleasing, to respect people I don't respect, or to be nice to people who frankly, haven't been nice....I won't go overboard because I love my husband & I respect him, but I feel what I feel & I can & will share what gets to me for better or worse.


Merry Christmas, right? Right?!



As I look back over our history, it occurred to me that I have never actually looked forward to Christmas at my in-laws, but I have never faced it with anxiety & loathing. Of course, I have never been stuck with people with whom I have such little patience or tolerance. We had some disagreements. I put my foot down & a few of them can't deal with it. Too freakin' bad, right? I get to say what happens inside my home & to my kids &, as I actually had to say to my mother in law, she doesn't. We had it out & that's on her because she couldn't mind her own damn business & I'd been pushed enough. Had she kept quiet, so would have I. The difference is, I can be angry & move on. She seems to enjoy the grudge. I contend that it is why her 2 daughters don't speak to each other, & why she doesn't speak to her own siblings...or hadn't in 40 years.

I can talk through an issue or 200 & reach a compromise, I can agree to disagree & I can forgive...if I am acknowledged. If I am treated fairly. If I am given the respect I deserve as a good wife to your son/brother & a good mother to your grandchildren/neices...& I am those things. At a minimum, I meet those expectations...Of course, that has not happened. I repeatedly reached out to them to work through our issues (all of which stem from, in my less than humble opinion, the refusal to let us be independent from control & dominance, complete lack of respect for us as adults, as parents, & a stubborn unwillingness to admit any wrongdoing or make any real apology for it.) I was repeatedly ignored. So when they asked my husband what I wanted for Christmas, my answer was nothing. I want nothing from them. I want to be left alone. Anything else is too little too late.

The woman actually expected me to come to her house & eat & exchange gifts & pleasantries as though we have a relationship. She expected this without apologizing to me or my daughter for barging into our home & verbally assaulting my daughter (for what I feel was justifiable anger at her, no less) then turning her wrath upon me, in front of my daughter, because I dared to stop her. She seems to have expected this despite the fact that she ignored me & my efforts to make peace on multiple occassions. She expected this despite not having made any attempt to speak to me at various school & public social functions which we have both attended. She seemingly expected this without even bothering to invite me!

Why would I put myself through that? Why would I think I would be welcomed? So I rode a roller coaster of emotion because I did not want to keep my children from their family, but I did not want to be there or without my kids either. There was no winning. The woman said to my husband, "She can't put it aside for one day?" Sure. Sure I could. I chose not to for the point of it, because I'm not a hypocrite. Maybe I would have had the right thing been said, the right offer made...but no attempt was made, so what's the point? I didn't miss them & I'd bet it was mutual. I chose to let there be peace on earth & I truly can't look at them without negative feelings rising up to choke me, so I made the decision to stay away from the negativity.

I'm not sure what I am supposed to do with the gifts they sent home for me. I suppose I can drop them at Goodwill. I haven't opened them. I don't really want them. I'm curious as to the point of them. Bribery? Peace offering? What? What would you buy for someone you've treated like an insect for 3/4 of a year? The last few years as our conflicts grew increasingly tense, I noticed that very few of my presents were for me anyway. They were what I call family gifts- things we all use...sheets, towels, dishes. I think in the previous 2 years, I got 1 thing that was a) just for me & b) something I'd actually wanted. I still like my Vera Bradley purse.

In the end, Christmas Eve was fine. It was bearable. I finished wrapping last gifts & watched a decent movie. I reflected on the lovely day at my family gathering the day before & I anticipated the excitement of our private, little family celebration on Christmas morning.

I was angry at them all. Admittedly, I still am because I see it as unresolved. But I'm moving on... 1 thing I found out through the trials of the past year is that I don't need to dwell. I've been fine. If they want it this way, they'll have it this way until they accept my boundaries or die bitter & alone....I have better things to do. And they don't deserve that kind of power over my life. In refusing to give them one type of power I unknowingly gave up another. No more. It ends now.

I look forward to the new year. Usually I think, whatevs. But this year, I've got plans. Last year was a bitch to me & this year, I'm going to be the bitch!! Last year, I wouldn't share my resolutions. I said, "If I am successful, then you will all know." I was successful. I did share. I didn't say, hey, this was a new year's resolution....but I met each of them. Thanks for the help on the way. For 2011, I have a few more...& because it worked out so much better for me to make it a private goal, that's what I am doing again. If it works out, you'll know it. Keep your fingers crossed. Send me some good luck vibes. Say a prayer. Whatever works...because my goals this new year are pretty huge.

*By the way, my father in law is exempt from all of that & so is the sister in law & her family that are autonomous.

Everybody's an Expert, Baby

So, it's time to come out with it. I break things. I break things frequently. I'm talking about my toes. I'm not really sure what's going on that I keep doing this. I'm pretty sure I'm not that fragile. I love dairy products- milk, cheese, yogurt, ice cream, sour cream, pudding...these are all good sources of calcium. (Yes, pudding!) I also like leafy green vegetables & other sources of the bone-building stuff. And in my little world, I'm not that clutzy. I mean, compared to my husband & older daighter, I'm almost graceful!!

If feet bother you (apparently a lot of people have issues with feet) then you'd best move along. If you can stand it, pardon the pun, then I've collected some interesting (I think) tales for you. And if you're one of those, if you really like feet, well then, I'm about to make your day.

The first time I broke a toe was after my older brother's graduation party from high school. We had an open floor plan where the kitchen, eating area & family room all flowed together. The sofa went across the back of the family room creating the division between the rooms. Because of the party, my mom had set up extra chairs. What should have been open passage was reduced considerably, so walking into the room, I clipped the leg of one of those extra chairs & broke a toe. "GD$#!" (You can go ahead & fill in the expletives with the words of your choice.)

My sister says to me from the kitchen, "I heard that." Yeah, pretty sure the neighbors heard that. I glared at her. "Your toe. I think I heard it break." I'm still hobbling around, swearing. Eeeew. I remember that this party must have been late in June because I had to be helped through the crowds at the fireworks. My whole foot was bruised & swollen & everyone said, "There's nothing to do for it. You just have to wait til it heals."

I don't know from whom, when, or how many breaks later, I was still getting advice:
    You wanna ice that.
     Prop it up, slow the swelling.
     Did you try heat?
     You know what you need? A coupla shots of vodka!
     You should tape it.
     All they'll do is tape it.
     Why don't you wrap that?
     Stay off your feet. (yeah, right, for 2-3 weeks?)
     Don't take aspirin. You can take Tylenol, but no blood-thinners.
     Go get drugs.
     It's just jammed.
     You can't bend it if it's broken. Try to move it.
     Now you're probably going to get arthritus. (This one was new to me.)

I believe most of it is well-meaning. Nothing wrong with most of it. I've just heard it all, that's all.

I have one toe that I literally crushed. It took months to heal. It still hurts occasionally for no apparent reason & I have lost the ability to move it independently. My foot is now a flipper. It is all or nothing. I wish I'd gone to the doctor for that one.

So for the latest...On Thanksgiving day, I was putting a small Christmas tree on the front porch. It was raining. I would have gone barefoot but for the rain, so I slip on my Crocs which are ever-present at the front door precisely because they are so easy to slip on & off to go get the mail & other whatnots. So I slip on my Crocs...I put the tree out, come back for the wreath, & awaaaaaay I go! BAM!

I go sliding on the tile & crash into the corner. Because I was already annoyed (the why is irrelevant) I didn't realize how hurt I was. I just kept moving. I finished the porch project & as I was going upstairs to shower, the pain really set in. I slipped off my Croc & examined my foot. Yowza. It was starting to swell.

So I limped around the family Thanksgiving because I was not going to miss it, not for a toe! I was trying to decide whether I 'jammed' it, seeing as how I went sliding into the wall, or whether it had a fracture...& you know, it's a toe. There's no emergency for a toe. I'm not going to go get it x-rayed. But the thing I know about a broken bone is, unless you're a hypochondriac maybe, there's not a lot of guessing. If you think it's broken, if your reaction is, "OMG I just broke it," then you did. I'd bet on it. I've broken all of my little toes & now my right big toe, my pinky finger & my nose. Trust me, I know what broken feels like. I'm amazed & grateful that I've never broken anything major.

Sure, there are different degrees of injury, & here they are: http://kidshealth.org/kid/ill_injure/aches/broken_bones.html
•A complete fracture is when the bone has broken into two pieces.
•A greenstick fracture is when the bone cracks on one side only, not all the way through.
•A single fracture is when the bone is broken in one place.
•A comminuted (say: kah-muh-noot-ed) fracture is when the bone is broken into more than two pieces or crushed.
•A bowing fracture, which only happens in kids, is when the bone bends but doesn't break.
•An open fracture is when the bone is sticking through the skin.

I laugh at the idea that if you can move it, it isn't broken. I moved my nose all over the place & listened to it click. In retrospect, that probably wasn't smart. I'm pretty sure that's from whence my bump comes. So I wish I'd really thought about it with some of the more severe fractures anyway, wish the myths weren't so prevalent. Here are 2 truths we need to know.

http://www.todaysseniorsnetwork.com/foot_care_myths.htm
Myth: A doctor can't fix a broken toe.

Reality: Nineteen of the 26 bones in the foot are toe bones.
"What I tell patients is, there are things we can do to make a broken toe heal better and prevent problems later on, like arthritis or toe deformities," Nava says. Broken toes that aren't treated correctly can also make walking and wearing shoes difficult. A foot and ankle surgeon will x-ray the toe to learn more about the fracture. If the broken toe is out of alignment, the surgeon may have to insert a pin, screw or plate to reposition the bone.


Myth: My foot or ankle can't be broken if I can walk on it.

Reality: It's entirely possible to walk on a foot or ankle with a
broken bone. "It depends on your threshold for pain," as well as the severity of the injury, according to Samuel Nava, DPM, FACFAS, a Dallas-based spokesman for the College. But it's not a smart idea. Walking with a broken bone can cause further damage. It is crucial to stay off an injured foot until diagnosis by a foot and ankle surgeon. Until then, apply ice elevate the foot to reduce pain.

So some of the advice was good...but I knew that. The best thing I heard was an offer to come suck on it. What?! He offered! ;) The meanest was, "That's what you get for wearing Crocs." The world's most comfortable shoe, albeit possibly the ugliest, has a lot less to do with it than the cursed blue tile in the foyer. That's my story & I'm sticking to it.

Here is the second most painful toe break (it's not as bad as the one I think I crushed) & it's healing process. You can laugh at my round, fat toes if you want. I've always known I have Flintstone feet. You can see the strange & distorted shapes of some of those broken toes.

I don't have full mobility in my toe yet. ('Toe' is a really dumb sounding word, isn't it?) I can walk better, less limp. I put on a real shoe, well, a boot, yesterday to go shopping. It hurt a lot when I took it off, but I was ok while I needed to be. I just wonder when I can change my polish...don't want to put too much pressure on this baby.


The day after the crash



4 days after the crash





almost normal- 13 days after

Now, all kinds of people try to tell me that I shouldn't walk around barefoot all the time. I just don't care to read all the info about diabetics & foot care because I know that's mainly for those whose sugar isn't well-controlled & mine is. There's some loss of sensitivity or something & we might not know we've got a cut or splinter or whatever. I'm not blind. I'd see it even if I didn't feel it. Doctors even tell us to sleep with our socks! I cannot sleep with socks on & I don't even put my feet under the blankets most of the night. I don't even mind cold feet. I mind if my whole body is too cold, but my feet can be like icycles before I notice...& no, it's not my diabetic lack of sensitivity. I've always been that way & I haven't always been diabetic.

People also say that you can't stub a toe in a shoe. I think my Crocs have effectively busted that myth. It's obvious I have fat toes & square-ish feet, but what you probably can't see is that I have a high instep. That's not the same as a high arch, which I also have. I have tall feet! It's just hard for me to find a pair of shoes that's comfortable, other than my clown Crocs, that is.

But the other thing is, I kind of control my whole body's temperature by my feet. I don't know why. But if my feet are warm, I'm warm, & I don't like to be overly warm.  I used to go out to the street to get the mail barefoot in the snow because it was quicker than putting on shoes. I used to be able to walk on gravel barefoot too, though I think I only weighed about 60 pounds.

Feet are built to be tough, that's the point. They're tough & we abuse them & then we see how much we really use them....so we ought to take care of them. We miss them when they don't work. We feel them, a lot, when they cause us pain, so let's treat them right. Let's all go get pedicures!! That's my expert advice.