Maybe I Have Different Skillz

"Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you." ~Mark Twain

I have long loved this quote. It is true & makes me laugh.

Example, this past weekend, I found myself travelling with my parents & my sister. We started talking about our cell phones. I mentioned that I can never hear mine when it rings & that I don't care for the ring tone.

"Why don't you change it?" my sister asked, reasonably enough.
"I don't know how yet," was my answer. You see, I got a new phone for Christmas & it's a low-tech phone. I haven't played with it because I really don't use it often. "Usually if something doesn't work, I just tell my husband, 'It's doing this,' & then he fixes it & hands it back."

My parents stayed quiet but my sister was positively aghast. "I like doing things for myself," she stated.
"I like other people to do things for me," I replied.

I'm not sure if she actually heard me. Next thing you know, she tells me to hand it over. I did. She started pushing buttons & scrolling through options & we settle on a less-annoying ring tone, turn up the volume, set a tone for incoming texts & she hands it back to me. "There," she says. "Done."

"Thanks," I said. "See? Done, & I didn't do a thing." I smiled with satisfaction. My dad let out a little chuckle from the front. Then I shared this Mark Twain quote. My sister loves Mark Twain.

On the return trip, I rode back with one of my brothers so he didn't have to make the drive by himself again. We were discussing music & he said he doesn't use iTunes because he likes his music in a different format. He said he has a file on his computer where it's all stored in such a way as to give CD quality sound. I said that I didn't think my hearing was keen enough to discern the difference. Then, as he tried to explain, I got lost.

Highs & lows I understand. Notes? Nope. You see, he played instruments. He can read music. He is trained to hear things I just don't notice. As he tried to explain to me, I told him honestly, "You're talking gibberish again." He smiled, shook his head & let it drop.

It's not that I wasn't interested. It's that I just don't understand. I don't know the difference between a whole & half note. I don't have the most basic understanding of rhythm or tempo or anything....

I was watching The Voice the other night & one of the celebrity singers/judges/coaches said that the girls were kind of 'pitchy' & I haven't the foggiest idea of what that meant. They sounded pretty good to me. The one thing I can say for sure is that I like the country guy's coaching the best. He keeps telling the singers not to over-sing. "Just because you can hit all those notes doesn't mean you have to," he told them. "Sometimes you need to tone it down, so that when you do it, it's special." Way to go, Cute Country Guy. It's funny to me that he's the one I like the best when country music is near to my least favorite of the popular genres. Mostly because of the twang. I hear that.

It's not that I can't do anything. I'm not a complete tech-idiot. I know some things. I could do everything on my last phone. I could set the clock & set programs to record on the VCR back in the day. I can use the DVR. I can update my iPod & all apps. I figured out how to record video on my camera AND download it... Although, I got that cool soda-maker for Mother's Day & I can't use it. Both times I tried, I sprayed water all over the kitchen during the carbonation process. It didn't fizz the water. It just sprayed it everywhere! Since then, my kids do it for me & think it's great fun.

Speaking of phone addiction....hahaha


As far as my new phone, I got numbers into it. I just hadn't gotten around to playing with the rest because I don't use it often. It's not an iPhone, Droid or Crackberry so it isn't an extension of my hand. I'm not addicted to it. It's just a phone (& camera.)

Though, thinking of the one time I used the camera, I had to call my husband & ask how to put it into the camera-mode. I figured out how to text the picture, but I didn't know how to get it onto my computer files. I texted him & he then emailed it to me & then I saved it. I think that's a pretty good way around it. I think it's clever in its own way.

It's Just My Luck, Baby

I may be giving my friend Robin, who writes Almost...But Not Quite, a run for her money in the ABNQ world.

An odd thing happened to me. First, let me set you up...

My children have been on a clutzy streak lately. We've had more broken glasses in the last 2 months than we've had in their whole existance. My husband contributed his fair share as well. So much so, that I had to buy a new set of glasses even though it hasn't been a full year since the last set was purchased.

I've pulled broken glass shards out of the cupboard, out of the dishwasher & out of the sink. I've swept them from the counter, the stovetop & the floor.

I like to be barefoot. You see where this is going.

Yes, I stepped on tiny pieces of glass. I knew instantly that I'd stepped on it so I immediately shifted onto my other foot & examined the bottom of the other. Yep. Glass. On my foot. Yes, that's right. That's no typo. It stuck to my foot but did not slice into my foot. I was able to just pick it off & throw it away. My older daughter was standing there with me, laughing that nervous laughter. "Sorry, Mom, I thought I got it all." I tell her it's no problem, no harm done. She laughs some more.

Later that evening, I felt a stab into the ball of my foot. Ouch. I picked my foot up but I couldn't see anything. I hobbled into the next room where I could sit in my chair & aim the lamp light directly onto the affected area. I still didn't see anything but when I brushed my hand lightly over the spot that hurt, I definitely felt something. I peered closer. I lightly swept away the dog hair that is ever-present in my house.

My Doodle love

There it was! The source of my discomfort! Not a sliver of glass as I expected but something incredibly weird: a dog-hair splinter. Yes, that's right folks, I got a dog hair splinter. The single piece of hair had stabbed the underside of my foot. And this is not the first time. Oh no. It's happened to me exactly 4 times...& once to my friend.

I find it to be the strangest thing. How does a soft shaft of hair penetrate the skin? I don't have nasty callouses on my feet but they aren't quite baby soft either. I mean, the skin was enough to protect me from the broken glass, right? And my Doodledogg doesn't really have coarse hair either.

My daughters were laughing uncontrollably. How does one step on a piece of glass with no damage but get a dog-hair splinter in the same foot in the same day? Only me....

Baby, I Got This

It's a dreary Saturday afternoon & I'm bored. I've been cruising the internet, doing random searches, just looking to occupy my time while supervising the girls so they don't get into any fights as they attempt to clean their rooms. Then my hip started to ache.

Yes, my body is breaking down again. I've been dealing with a bit of a hip issue for a couple of months. My left hip. I don't even know how to describe the pain. First it feels like I was stabbed & rolled into gravel simultaneously & then it paralyzes me with fear that any movement at all will cause more pain. Then my left thigh quakes & quivers as my muscle stays flexed against whatever happened. Straightening back out is a lesser Hell, but each time it happens, it doesn't occur to me until I realize that I cannot remain suspended in time.

I can move my legs back & forth without incident, but a little rotation can be excruciating. God forbid I drop something & have to retrieve it off the floor myself. Squatting is completely out of the question.

So I asked my doctor about this at my last appointment. After I nearly burst into tears 3 separate times during his manipulations, he thinks I have tendonitus. I didn't know that could cause crunchy noises. Hopefully the anti-inflammatory & targeted exercises do the trick.

It's gotten out of hand because I even had trouble dressing myself 1 day last week. I apparently had too much rotation in my hip as I attempted to step into my shorts, then I dropped my grasp on the waistband as I clutched at the crunching. Yes, I crunch. All kinds of things cause my body parts to snap, crackle, pop, crunch & grind. This causes waves of nausea to overcome my loving husband who claims bodies aren't supposed to make those noises, & who in this instant became my savior & picked up my fallen drawers & helped me pull them up.

Then I realized, it's mid-May even if it doesn't feel like it & shorts will become common attire again for more than pajamas. I'm going to need to prepare....

My bathroom contains a sorry excuse for a shower stall, not a full tub. I haven't actually measured it, but I'm pretty sure it's about 2 ft x 2 ft square. This is not a lot of room. There is nowhere to step out of the spray. We attached a handheld shower head so we can at least aim the spray at the wall while we try to lather up. I regularly bump my elbows while washing my hair & have hit my head when bending over...to do things like shave my legs. There's not even a place to prop my foot up to make the leg more accessible. It's just 1 of the reasons I put it off as long as I can.

So I attempt to maneuver in this claustrophobic closet without bumping my head on the wall & without creating the horrible crunch in my hip....& I remembered. The last time shaving my legs was so awful was when I was pregnant.

I didn't have much morning sickness (don't hate me- I had plenty of other issues) but I did tend to get queasy when I bent over, as when shaving my legs. At least we had a full bathtub in that home. I asked my husband if he would do it for me. I'd heard of this. It's a real thing. Friends & magazines talked about husbands helping them with these things. Even painting their toenails for them. Not mine. When I asked, he made a face like I'd sprouted 2 heads.

"C'mon," I pleaded. "It's got to be close to 6 weeks since I've done it. I can't bend."

If you're thinking that his objection might be because I was like Sasquatch by then, you'd be wrong. "Pleeeeeze," I begged.

"Nobody but you can see those 6 hairs you have!"

He didn't do it for me. If not when I was pregnant with his children, I'm pretty sure he won't do it just because I have a bum hip. So I managed. With extreme concentration & a flexibility people would be surprised to know I possess, I was able to get all 6 of those hairs off my legs. It's the little things.

I'm a Firecracker, Baby

“A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” ~Kenneth A. Wells

People say you're not supposed to talk about politics, religion or finances with people. Yeah, that's easy. We all have pretty set views on that stuff & they are emotional. I don't really know how to completely avoid this stuff & still have meaningful conversations, but I understand from where the phrase comes.

But what about the other stuff? The stuff you never dreamed could be a touchy subject?

Some time ago, a friend of mine posted something on facebook about Willy Wonka. I commented that Willy Wonka gave me the creeps. He does. He's a creepy dude. I'm sticking to my guns there. I got all kinds of remarks back insinuating that I don't understand what he's about & have lost my childhood innocence & was superficial because I wasn't a fan of Willy Wonka. After a lively tit-for-tat, I was all like, whatevs... How long must one debate the merits of a fictional character? Why is it so offensive that I voiced an opinion different from one's own, especially when it has nothing to do with anything? I deleted all my comments & that was that. We never spoke of it.

I've also been engaged in a chocolate debate...as in the howcanyounotlikechocolateareyoueffingcrazy? sort. I do like chocolate. I swear. But I like good chocolate, not the nasty, waxy Easter basket & Halloween grab bag stuff. And I have to be in the mood...like seafood, it's not for all the time.

"Make sure you have a different opinion & people will talk about you." ~Arab Proverb

I'm so super-glad that I'm interesting enough to talk about. Here & there anyway.

I have been criticized because through much of the Christmas season, my status updates were lyrics from Christmas carols instead of personal commentary. I have been criticized because of the content of my personal commentary- either the posts are too long, too angry, too mundane, too upbeat, too generic, too political...just never quite right enough to satisfy my legions of facebook friends. I wish facebook called them contacts, because seriously, people 'friend' you just because they've heard your name. I've deleted many. In most cases, I mean no offense. But if we never exchange comments, what's the point?

I've also been deleted by a few. In more than 1 case, I felt like, what now? How have I offended thee? You know, as great a tool as facebook is, I've found it's a really useful tool in creating new ways to be rude. People will post things they'd never say to your face. Not me, I'll tell you straight up. They'll 'unfriend' you without an explanation. Know what I think? Whatevs....& good riddance. Gonna be like that, don't need you. When I reduced my friend list, I put a general statement out 1st that I was going to be doing it & why. I meant not to offend, but only to control who gets my feed.

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts." ~Daniel Patrick Moynihan

As a good friend said to me when I discussed some of this with her, "It's your wall. You can post whatever you want on your wall." That's right. I get to control it. So when I comment on yours, & you don't like it, you get to control that too. Tell me, whatevs...I can take it. I know I've pushed a few buttons out there, more than a few in the last 2 days. Let me say this: I didn't set out to argue, wasn't trying to tick anyone off. It just seemed to me that opinions were being broadcast disguised as facts (& I actually support your right to do that on your wall) that included what I thought were emotional triggers & irrelevant information & a lack of certain facts. The message was skewed. I'll say it right now- I didn't like it.

“We must always think about things, & we must think about things as they are, not as they are said to be.” ~George Bernard Shaw

It's your right to feel that way & to broadcast it. And if you don't want my opinion, you get to choose whether to engage me or ignore, leave my comment there or delete it. That's the way it goes. I'm a big girl & I can take it. I don't dish it so much for fun as a way to gage how committed you are & to learn how committed I am myself to certain beliefs. And how smartly they can be backed up by facts. Honestly, I didn't find a lot of fact in the presidential negativity following the killing of Osama bin Laden. There were a few biased & unrelated facts tossed in just to stir up a bad vibe, in my opinion. As I stated ad nauseum in the past few days, whether you agree with his politics, like him or respect him, is irrelevant to the situation. He is the Commander in Chief, an American citizen, & by God, he is entitled to share in this victory. Whoever the seated president might be would get the same. And yay, this bumped his approval rating by 11 points! Had this mission failed, he'd get all the blame. No one is going to rip on the Navy SEALS for crying out loud. That's the truth.

"There is a world of difference between truth & facts. Facts can obscure the truth." ~Maya Angelou

I don't know which is creepier...

By the way, there is no fact as to whether Willy Wonka is creepy or not. That's all opinion. And many people, even when they like Willy, agree with me that he's creepy. Both portrayals of the character give me the willies.... 

So whatevs...

That's right, I admit it. I get a little heated up from time to time...& I don't mean from hot flashes. I've got opinions on lots of stuff & I don't mind sharing them. I don't even mind arguing them, most of the time, because a smart quid-pro-quo can strengthen my belief or enlighten me to new perspectives...even if I do give you my eventual brush-off, yeah, whatevs...
 

“I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect.” ~Edward Gibbon