Maybe What They Say is True...

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." ~Mark Twain

Father's Day is right around the corner.

My father is a man to look up to, literally, as he's probably about 6'3" maybe even 6'3 1/2". That's like Magnum-tall. He's an imposing figure. I think that's a good thing for a little girl, to look up to her daddy & feel secure. I just knew that if need be, my dad could beat up your dad. He probably wouldn't. Why should there be a need for that? But I was sure he could & that was what was important, because one look at him, & everybody else was sure too.

My dad seemed very serious when I was a kid- it seemed he had a 1/2 scowl on his face all the time. I think now some of that was probably due to the chaos of having 4 children running around in 4 different directions, but some of it also may have been due to the concentration he had to put into hearing us. It went like this:

me: Dad? Can I go over to Lisa's to play?
pause
me: Dad? Did you hear me? Dad?! Dad! DAD! DAD!!!
Dad: (Startled, he booms) What?!!
me: (run off crying because he yelled at me) Nevermind. I'll find Mom.

My dad wasn't the pull-my-finger jokester dad. (Lisa's was.) He was a prankster though. He used to take us to the movies, especially on hot summer days. He still laughs about taking my little brother to see Raiders of the Lost Ark. At the end- I don't want to spoil it for you if you haven't seen this 30 year old movie--- at the end, when Indy is tied to the stake & the Nazis open the Ark of the Covenant, he cautions, "Don't look at it!" So as all the Nazis look, they start melting. My father turns to my little brother, who is 4 or 5 years old, & says, "Your ears are melting! You looked!" And of course my brother believed him for 60 seconds.

My dad was the dad who took us to Zip's after church on Sundays where we could make our own sundaes. He was the one who put a pool in our back yard & made sure we could swim & threw us high into the air as we screamed with joy so we could make a big splash. He was the one who carried us to bed when we fell asleep (or pretended to have done so) in front of the TV. He was the one who bought the junk food. And despite working 16 hours a day, he did manage to make it to most of the various sporting events & school productions we had going on. And he shared with us the thrill of rollercoasters!

I think my dad could fix anything. He tiled showers & built walls & hung kitchen cabinets, installed carpet, vinyl & laminate floors, put up a pool, built a swingset, wired a lamp, changed major appliances, patched many a hole that had been kicked through a wall or door...the mysteries of home repair seemed no mystery to him.

My dad was a little old-fashioned. And by a little, I mean a lot. I always saw it as pretty darned sexist. But I'll tell you, he has learned. Nobody can fault a man for wanting to provide for his family, but he (still) doesn't like my mother out alone after dark, even if only at the grocery store. I suppose it's sweet in a way...

We went on family vacations every year, & we travelled across the state a few times a year too to visit family. These trips were long & full of discussion. Religion, Politics, Money, Morality, Crime & Punishment were all topics of conversation.

These are good memories. Not only did they instill in us the values he wanted us to have, but they taught us analytical thinking & the strength & courage to question, even if we were questioning authority. Of course, he didn't like it when it was him, but I do think he was proud when we stuck to our beliefs & made a decent case for it, for certainly we were more liberal-minded than he was when we were still in school.

We'd sing along to the radio & he only knew the refrain & would make up the rest. He'd tell a joke & just as often as not, forget the punchline when he got there. I have inherited both of these traits.

They say for good or bad, girls grow up to marry men like their fathers...

When I met my husband, we dated every other day for the first week, then were seeing each other daily from thereafter. My father asked me who was this man I was seeing so much of, he must be something because I don't like anyone enough to spend that much time with them! Observant too.



watching Cinderellabration at Disney



Which brings me to the fabulous father my husband turned out to be... In my 7th month of pregnancy, we travelled to NY state to visit my brother's family. They'd just had a new baby. I knew once ours came, we wouldn't be making many visits. My husband had next to zero experience with children, but my older nephews took to him right away- Uncle John, see my fort? Uncle John, wanna play?



But the most awkward award goes to the moment when my sister in law put the new baby in his arms & said we'd be right back. She was going to show me something. I don't remember what it was, but I do remember that my husband was absolutely frozen stiff, still holding the baby in exactly the same way as he'd been deposited.

swinging both girls





He was much more at ease with ours. When I asked him about this, he said something to the effect of being less worried about what would happen if he dropped ours. ?! What? Yes, something like that. I assured him it would be far more detrimental to his person if he harmed MY baby, even accidentally. He never did of course.

He gave her the first tub bath. And after awhile, he became the parent in charge of bathing. That lasted until our kids were bathing themselves. Tub time stressed me out.



At a local amusement park



He rides bikes with them, takes them to sporting practices & music lessons. He helps with homework. He has taught them some basic cooking procedures, plays games, plays catch, takes them to those horrible places known as arcades (in the 80s.) At times it seems as if his patience is infinite. As I type, he is teaching the older one how to mow the lawn on the tractor. The younger one is begging to wash the car. After the lawn, dearie. 

 And though they have paid attention to us debate politics, religion, money & so forth, they aren't quite old enough to want to join in.  He plays pranks along with the bathroom humor.


mapping the corn maze



 So did I marry a version of my dad? He has dark hair like my dad did when he was younger. They both have pretty blue eyes & broad shoulders. They both have fair, freckled skin that burns in the sun. Dimples. Both very handsome with high IQs. They both have a strong work ethic & a huge commitment to their families.
 
With big shoes to fill, he's doing pretty well. While he's not quite as tall as my dad, at just about 6', our daughters have enough to look up to both literally & figuratively.