Maybe I'm Just a Sap

There are 2 days until Thanksgiving.
In this crazy, commercialized land of plenty of I wants, I will take a moment to list most of that for which I am grateful.

My parents- who are still alive & kicking, relatively healthy, who live a quick 5 minutes' drive away, who are kind, accepting, forgiving & generous, with their money, their time & their hearts.
My siblings & their spouses- who are relatives but also friends who've grown with me & fought with me & laughed with me, who've cried with me & played with me & loved me.
My husband- my partner, my friend, my love who accepts me & challenges me & spoils me, is strong for me, who lets me be me & is always there for me.
My daughters- who love me, need me & hug me, who learn from me & teach me & always make me proud.
My nieces & nephews- who are such a pleasure to see because they are all so charming & talented & smart!
My aunts, uncles & cousins- a vast & varied bunch, they are friendship & a shared history, a sense of belonging to something in a big, wide world.
My Doodle- & even Gary- that's unconditional love through & through, constant companionship & a source of entertainment.
My friends- my cherished peeps with whom I can be myself, be silly, vent my frustrations, get a fresh perspective, lean on for support...they are a crazy & wonderful, essential part of my life.
My country- for freedom, for protected rights, for relative wealth & health & safety...
Our military- for protecting that freedom & preserving that health, wealth & safety, for giving up theirs so that we can enjoy ours.
Firefighters, Police, EMS- our 1st respondants to emergencies, people who risk their lives to save ours every day in every town.
Service people- for doing such oft thankless jobs that few others want to do, washing dishes, making beds, waiting tables, collecting trash, cleaning sewage, & all the other grunge work that gives us such a high quality of life in the US.
Teachers & school staff- for enriching our children's lives, educating the masses, ensuring their safety & well-being while they are in your care.
Doctors & Nurses, medical personell- for taking care of us when we feel our worst as well as when we're at our best, delivering our babies & seeing our grandparents are comfortable in their last days...
Our President (& other government representatives)- for leading our nation to the best of their ability, doing a difficult job amidst much criticism, trying to fulfill their promises & reach compromises so they can do the best they can for those who elected them, for serving with integrity & honor & hope & working everyday to make the country & the worls a better place....

Other things for which I feel thankful....
indoor plumbing
showers
clean drinking water
toothbrushes & toothpaste
soap, shampoo & conditioner
deodorant
refrigeration
safe food sources & plenty of it
household appliances
heat & air conditioning
electricity
automobiles
telephones
medical advances
postal delivery
coffee
books & libraries
trees
changing seasons
computers
clothing
hair coloring & make-up & jewelry (Makes being a girl a lot more fun!)

And because we're so accustomed to taking so much for granted, I'm sure these lists are terribly incomplete.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my 3 readers. :~) Take a moment to appreciate all the joys in this life, work toward extending it beyond our own little bubbles, & pray for peace...

Who Loves Ya, Baby?

I don't believe in Karma. I want to- it sounds so great! Who doesn't want people to get what they deserve, both good & bad? What comes around goes around.... really? WHEN?!

Then there's faith. It's all part of God's plan, people will tell you. And because it's God, you're supposed to be ok with it, even if His plan sucks completely. I can't help but wonder if He thought about how these plans intertwined & overlapped. And when one will end so we can start a new plan, a better plan.

It's not that I think everything is horrible. I don't. I just don't think everything is as great as it could be. People like to say things like, "Life isn't fair." Well, that's crap. It's true, but it's still crap. 'Life isn't fair' isn't an excuse to go out & with an 'every man for himself' attitude & take what you can get. That stinks. Life ought to be fair. We should be doing what we can to even things out. And I'm not talking politics.

If we lived our lives by The Golden Rule, things would be better, all around, for everybody. If we all just took a moment to think, would I like that? Would that help me? Would that hurt me? Sure it's simplistic. Life is easy when we don't let selfishness & greed & anger get in the way.

No one is infallible- I get angry. I get really angry sometimes, & sometimes it's about stupid stuff. The little stupid stuff that's so easy to avoid are probably the things that irk me the most. Just pick up after yourselves. If you put away what you get out, there's nothing to freak out about. I'm not complaining about doing the dusting or the vacuuming or even the dishes (when they're in the kitchen) or the laundry (when it's been tossed down the chute) but I do & will continue to get steamed by dishes & laundry all over the house, shoes & books in my path, things that prevent me from doing the chores, like dusting & vacuuming, that no one person creates. Eventually I get over it.

But I do think putting yourself in the other's shoes would alleviate these conflicts. How would you feel? If I tell you that your stuff all over the place is like noise in my brain, the more there is the louder it is...could you understand that? That the visual clutter is like a band where each member is playing a different song, full blast? Would it make you feel like you were cared for, loved, respected & appreciated if that was continually ignored? I don't expect perfection, but an attempt would be great. Just a little effort would go a long way.

Today started badly for me, but I refuse to let it take me down. In the spirit of the upcoming holiday, I have decided to take the things that those with whom I live haven't put away. We will see how much those items are appreciated. It's done & over. I'm not going to dwell on it.

Instead I've decided to count my blessings, to think of the things I love about each one of them, the bonds that keep me here with them willingly through the struggles. I've decided to focus on the good in them. Because, regardless of my dissatisfaction at times, I know it is there.

My husband- He's smart. He works hard to provide for us. He has a strong sense of family. He is funny, wickedly funny at times. He does the grocery shopping. He's a great daddy. He's a good cook. He lets me have the remote. He does pitch in when he sees the stress I feel. He throws out odd, pop-culture references that he should be too young to have heard 1st hand. He reminds me to play. He's good-looking. He can still take my breath away. And the rest is a bit... personal. ; )

My first daughter- She's smart. She's goofy. She's genuinely concerned for others' feelings. (Not mine of course, other others!) She's generous. She's a free-spirit. She possesses athletic & musical talent. She's adventurous. She's outgoing. She projects self-confidence. She stands behind her convictions. She's energetic. She's beautiful.

My second daughter- She's smart. She's silly. She's a sunny personality. She's my snugglebunny. She's kind. She's affectionate. She's sensitive. She's creative & artistic. She is well-behaved, but ornery too. She is a bit of a fashionista. She's feminine, very girly. She's beautiful.

Obviously these lists aren't complete. Some qualities can't be put into words, or perhaps I just lack the talent to do so. But these are the things I hold in my heart. Not the talking-back. Not the overflowing backpacks in the entryway. Not the glass of apple cider that no one will claim. It's the spontaneous hugs & kisses, the fits of giggles & pride when they help another that I carry with me every day. It's good to take some time to really refect on the things & people that matter. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I urge you to count your blessings & be grateful for what you have.

I don't know. If you believe in God, maybe this is His plan & the rest is just the players going off-script. If you believe in Karma, maybe you do get what you give, because other than the mess, I've got no complaints. (About the people! I do have a few about some of their actions!! I'm me afterall.) I think I've been a decent person & I think I've got a wonderful family & fantastic friends to show for it. I'm a very lucky woman. Afterall, they love me.

Baby, I'm Not Making a Fruit Salad

I stopped by my parents' house yesterday. My mom is a vocal supporter of my efforts here. She suggested this topic so I hope I do her justice.

Women's clothing designers & manufacturers, have you not yet noticed that all women's bodies are not the same? Sure, you try to seduce us with claims of "expanded sizing" but what I find is that this just means bigger hips! I don't have big hips. Look, I learned about apples, pears & sticks in 8th grade. I think they were technically labelled mesomorph, endomorph & ectomorph & I can't promise you I have them in the corresponding order, but the lesson was learned. There are 3 body types. Can't you please make clothes that fit all 3?

The apple is the round body. This is when a person puts weight on predominantly around the midsection. This is my body. I have broad shoulders, a large bust & a constant source of anxiety or annoyance, a large belly. Proportionally, I have a smaller bum, hips & thighs. My body is the exact opposite of a pear shape, which puts weight on around the hips, thighs & bum. They get to keep a smaller waist in comparison to their hips. They may be so lucky as to retain that hourglass shape regardless of their size. And then there are the sticks. The women who are straight up & down no matter which way you look at them- no bust, no hips, no waist. I think you can visualize.

How do you expect us all to wear your clothing when you don't make different shapes? Am I supposed to enjoy wearing a potato sack? Because that's about all I can find! I should want to look like a potato because I enjoy eating them? I get that I could & should lose a few pounds. But lemme tell ya, ill-fitting clothing ain't helping!!

***TMI alert***

Here's a reality check: after my children were born, I nursed them. My already-large breasts grew to be enormous. When they were done breastfeeding, the extra tissue never went away. Ever. I'm not talking about oranges & grapefruits here. More like cantaloupe & just as heavy! I wore a 38DD before I got pregnant. I was bulging out of a 44DDD once they weaned. The cute baby doll blouses & bohemian chic tops were coming into fashion & I was told how flattering they would be on my body because they billow & float away from the body from just under the bust & would hide my tummy....yeah, not so much. What I found was that none of them fit. None. I must have tried on hundreds. Every single one of them, even in what should have been my size, were too short from the shoulder to the empire waist. That seam always hit my across the bust, assuming it would even go around my bust.

I'd always had it in the back of my mind that after I had children, I might get reduction surgery. I always thought I was too top-heavy. I had no idea how top-heavy I'd get!! I spoke with my doctor about it. He agreed it would be good for me & I did all I needed to do to get approved. I had nearly 6 pounds of flesh removed. I grew 3/4 of an inch! (Less back compression, I guess.) I am now in a 40C. You know as soon as I felt well again I went shopping. I tried on those cute tops...& they still didn't fit! Now, not only was the seam still across my bust, but now I had poufs of extra fabric billowing because I no longer filled out the tops! WTH? Things were supposed to fit better, not fit wrong in 2 places!

Then here comes the stretch trend...everything is made with a hint of stretch. You know, this is good in a bathing suit. It keeps it in place even after it's wet. It's good in panties & bras because that's just awkward when they shift around too much. I like it in my jeans. I don't need to cut off circulation to my legs because I squatted down to tie a shoe. You know where it's no good? In my Tshirts!! I do not like every roll accentuated. I have muffin top when I'm naked! Do I really need a shirt that clings to it? I don't think so, & I'm willing to wager, neither do any number of people who look at me through out the day. I've been chubby since about 10th grade. But it was a firm chub until I had children. I never had bra bulge either until they came along. Can I please save some semblance of dignity & cover up without a muumuu or spandex? And please, make it long enough to cover my waist if I move my arms at all. I'm not saying it has to be so long that I can put my hands on my head without it lifting at all, but how about on the shopping cart?

And then, the jeans....pants of all types. I used to have issue with the waists on everything being above my waist. If the crotch was in the right place, then the waist was 2 inches above mine...& tight. Then, thank the Lord, someone invented the idea of low-rise, mid-rise & well, that's it for me. The other is too high. A low rise on me is a mid rise on anyone else & a mid rise on me sits less than 1/2 an inch below my natural waist, which is best for comfort & muffin reduction. It sort of holds in the pouch. But watch the low-rise, ladies. I want you all to say no to crack!! Enough said.

Though I can't move on without mentioning the hips...Mine aren't big! I can't tell you how many pairs of pants I try on that look like jodhpurs because of the floating hips. Oompa Loompa jodhpurs at that. I have a big waist. I'm not huge all over. My darling daughter is dealing with this issue now as she is moving from children's clothes into juniors, developing her self-esteem, & crying because nothing fits well. She doesn't like pulling her pants up to her chin either. But even if we did, we'd both be tripping over the cuffs!

I want you to make something that fits me! My legs are not as long as the pants you make. It seems like for every inch you add to the waist, there are 2 in the hip & 4 in the length. Come on! I'd have to be 6'4' to have legs long enough for the corduroys hanging in my closet....That's on you, Coldwater Creek. Shopping for my younger daughter, I hold up the pants to judge the size. She's not even 9 yet, Children's Place & Osh Kosh B'Gosh...yet your girls pants would be too long for me, & I'm a completely average 5'7". Shame on you!

I am not ashamed of my body & I don't want my daughters to be ashamed of theirs. Nor do I want to flaunt it & I most certainly do not want them to flaunt theirs. I'm modest. I dress on the conservative side. I always did, even in my youth. I have a classic & preppy side. I would like to look well put-together in clothing that fits & flatters regardless of my shape or size. I don't think that's really so much to ask. Where would beauty be if we were all cookie-cutter images of each other?

For anyone who faces these challenges, Old Navy, Gap, Fashion Bug & Lane Bryant (of course, the 1st 2 are divisions of the same company as are the 2nd 2) in my experience, seem to have the best methods for sizing the various shapes of women. Lane Bryant sells jeans that actually have the shapes like Garanimals so you know what will fit your body type. Old Navy sells jeans with 3 different rises in 3 different lengths & if you order a 16 regular (misses?) instead of a 16 women's, the hips don't fly like wings on the sides of your bum! There's the catch though....Plus sizes are only sold online, not in stores. But if you aren't plus sized & you just have an apple shape rather than a stick or a pear, you're probably going to be able to find what you need at the 1st 3 chains too.

Maybe It's Only My Opinion

The 3 things we're not supposed to talk about : money, politics & religion.... Elections are tomorrow. They encompass all 3 of these topics, don't they? Since it's on the brain, here goes.

1.) I like money. Who doesn't like money? You need it. That's how you buy what you need. There are things people need, for instance, food, shelter, & clothing. I think I was actually taught in school that those 3 things, in fact, are all anybody really needs. Everything else is a want. I have to disagree with that. Oh, don't act surprised! You knew I would! Those of us in colder climates, we also need heat. It's November 1 & it was 31* when I sent my children out to the bus. It's cold. Even the arctic tribal people made fires, didn't they? If they could find something to burn, like whale oil?

2.) I don't like politics. Surprise! In this country, we're blasted by the 2 big parties saying that everything is black or white, right or wrong, conservative or liberal, right-wing or left-wing, Republican or Democrat, our way or their way, us or them...& that us or them thing turns into us versus them. Personally, I'm middle of the road & independent & I have cast my ballot for both parties for various reasons. And the thing that supposed to be so great here in the USA, that we all get to vote & we all get our say...irks me when people who have no idea what is really going on get as much say as people who are informed. If you really don't know the issues, you are part of the problem. And people who are so tired of the stalemates & the filibusters & the 'game' of politics & the lies, well, they just don't vote at all. I'm ok with everyone not agreeing on everything (I mean, that's ridiculous a concept, isn't it?) but I get irritated when people spew blatantly false information & supposition as though they're on the inside track. Obama is a Muslim! Bush just went to the Middle East to try to finish what his dad didn't! I seriously can't abide it when it is so easy to disprove. This is the age of information, people! Look it up! I recommend you don't believe everything you randomly hear in that vague land of Somewhere. Make an informed decision & do your civic duty. Complacency certainly won't change anything, & no one is really 'above' such a privilege.

3.) Religion....that's where things get mighty tricky. Let's put it out there. We're all biased. Nobody can prove anything. It's conjecture or mythology to some. To others, it's comfort: the truth, the light & the way... It's faith. It's belief. It's tradition. It's community. It's bigger than we are. Hundreds of years of war haven't made people see the same thing the same way. How can people ever agree on one belief when even within many a given religion, there are multiple sects? Scientologists aren't the only non-God religion, & then of course, the atheists & deists don't see one at all. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like religion. I do not have a problem with anyone's spirituality. Really, that's like saying you can't like yellow. But religion itself...that's really political. There's a corporate ladder in organized religions & then the various centers for worship have their leader, their moral center, who then becomes a community leader who then influences politics &  finance... It's a slippery slope.

The passion 1 person can show when discussing his or her beliefs about any of these 3 taboo topics can be immense. I've been known to fall for the bait & get entangled before I realized....People get mad. Oooh, yes, people like to be right! Hey, I do too. I'm totally human. (I had a Psychology teacher open class once with the statement, "The mind had 2 goals: survival & to be right." That has always stayed with me.) I can agree to disagree about any these things. But fair warning, I'm never going to be won over in politics with a religious argument, nor will I be converted or open to changing my opinion in any argument that starts with the phrase, "The Bible says..." unless we're literally arguing what the Bible says...& then you'll have to show me & prove it, because I'll argue my right to my opinion, but I won't argue a fact unless I am absolutely 100% sure of my facts.

It really is a 'live & let live' country we're in. Don't bother me & I won't bother you. Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we all thought the same things all the time? I like that we're different. We'd lose all creativity & productivity! How could there be a next great insight or invention? I think everything would be beige... which is great when paired with absolutely any other color in the universe, but pretty dull when flat beige is all there is....