Baby, I'm Not Making a Fruit Salad

I stopped by my parents' house yesterday. My mom is a vocal supporter of my efforts here. She suggested this topic so I hope I do her justice.

Women's clothing designers & manufacturers, have you not yet noticed that all women's bodies are not the same? Sure, you try to seduce us with claims of "expanded sizing" but what I find is that this just means bigger hips! I don't have big hips. Look, I learned about apples, pears & sticks in 8th grade. I think they were technically labelled mesomorph, endomorph & ectomorph & I can't promise you I have them in the corresponding order, but the lesson was learned. There are 3 body types. Can't you please make clothes that fit all 3?

The apple is the round body. This is when a person puts weight on predominantly around the midsection. This is my body. I have broad shoulders, a large bust & a constant source of anxiety or annoyance, a large belly. Proportionally, I have a smaller bum, hips & thighs. My body is the exact opposite of a pear shape, which puts weight on around the hips, thighs & bum. They get to keep a smaller waist in comparison to their hips. They may be so lucky as to retain that hourglass shape regardless of their size. And then there are the sticks. The women who are straight up & down no matter which way you look at them- no bust, no hips, no waist. I think you can visualize.

How do you expect us all to wear your clothing when you don't make different shapes? Am I supposed to enjoy wearing a potato sack? Because that's about all I can find! I should want to look like a potato because I enjoy eating them? I get that I could & should lose a few pounds. But lemme tell ya, ill-fitting clothing ain't helping!!

***TMI alert***

Here's a reality check: after my children were born, I nursed them. My already-large breasts grew to be enormous. When they were done breastfeeding, the extra tissue never went away. Ever. I'm not talking about oranges & grapefruits here. More like cantaloupe & just as heavy! I wore a 38DD before I got pregnant. I was bulging out of a 44DDD once they weaned. The cute baby doll blouses & bohemian chic tops were coming into fashion & I was told how flattering they would be on my body because they billow & float away from the body from just under the bust & would hide my tummy....yeah, not so much. What I found was that none of them fit. None. I must have tried on hundreds. Every single one of them, even in what should have been my size, were too short from the shoulder to the empire waist. That seam always hit my across the bust, assuming it would even go around my bust.

I'd always had it in the back of my mind that after I had children, I might get reduction surgery. I always thought I was too top-heavy. I had no idea how top-heavy I'd get!! I spoke with my doctor about it. He agreed it would be good for me & I did all I needed to do to get approved. I had nearly 6 pounds of flesh removed. I grew 3/4 of an inch! (Less back compression, I guess.) I am now in a 40C. You know as soon as I felt well again I went shopping. I tried on those cute tops...& they still didn't fit! Now, not only was the seam still across my bust, but now I had poufs of extra fabric billowing because I no longer filled out the tops! WTH? Things were supposed to fit better, not fit wrong in 2 places!

Then here comes the stretch trend...everything is made with a hint of stretch. You know, this is good in a bathing suit. It keeps it in place even after it's wet. It's good in panties & bras because that's just awkward when they shift around too much. I like it in my jeans. I don't need to cut off circulation to my legs because I squatted down to tie a shoe. You know where it's no good? In my Tshirts!! I do not like every roll accentuated. I have muffin top when I'm naked! Do I really need a shirt that clings to it? I don't think so, & I'm willing to wager, neither do any number of people who look at me through out the day. I've been chubby since about 10th grade. But it was a firm chub until I had children. I never had bra bulge either until they came along. Can I please save some semblance of dignity & cover up without a muumuu or spandex? And please, make it long enough to cover my waist if I move my arms at all. I'm not saying it has to be so long that I can put my hands on my head without it lifting at all, but how about on the shopping cart?

And then, the jeans....pants of all types. I used to have issue with the waists on everything being above my waist. If the crotch was in the right place, then the waist was 2 inches above mine...& tight. Then, thank the Lord, someone invented the idea of low-rise, mid-rise & well, that's it for me. The other is too high. A low rise on me is a mid rise on anyone else & a mid rise on me sits less than 1/2 an inch below my natural waist, which is best for comfort & muffin reduction. It sort of holds in the pouch. But watch the low-rise, ladies. I want you all to say no to crack!! Enough said.

Though I can't move on without mentioning the hips...Mine aren't big! I can't tell you how many pairs of pants I try on that look like jodhpurs because of the floating hips. Oompa Loompa jodhpurs at that. I have a big waist. I'm not huge all over. My darling daughter is dealing with this issue now as she is moving from children's clothes into juniors, developing her self-esteem, & crying because nothing fits well. She doesn't like pulling her pants up to her chin either. But even if we did, we'd both be tripping over the cuffs!

I want you to make something that fits me! My legs are not as long as the pants you make. It seems like for every inch you add to the waist, there are 2 in the hip & 4 in the length. Come on! I'd have to be 6'4' to have legs long enough for the corduroys hanging in my closet....That's on you, Coldwater Creek. Shopping for my younger daughter, I hold up the pants to judge the size. She's not even 9 yet, Children's Place & Osh Kosh B'Gosh...yet your girls pants would be too long for me, & I'm a completely average 5'7". Shame on you!

I am not ashamed of my body & I don't want my daughters to be ashamed of theirs. Nor do I want to flaunt it & I most certainly do not want them to flaunt theirs. I'm modest. I dress on the conservative side. I always did, even in my youth. I have a classic & preppy side. I would like to look well put-together in clothing that fits & flatters regardless of my shape or size. I don't think that's really so much to ask. Where would beauty be if we were all cookie-cutter images of each other?

For anyone who faces these challenges, Old Navy, Gap, Fashion Bug & Lane Bryant (of course, the 1st 2 are divisions of the same company as are the 2nd 2) in my experience, seem to have the best methods for sizing the various shapes of women. Lane Bryant sells jeans that actually have the shapes like Garanimals so you know what will fit your body type. Old Navy sells jeans with 3 different rises in 3 different lengths & if you order a 16 regular (misses?) instead of a 16 women's, the hips don't fly like wings on the sides of your bum! There's the catch though....Plus sizes are only sold online, not in stores. But if you aren't plus sized & you just have an apple shape rather than a stick or a pear, you're probably going to be able to find what you need at the 1st 3 chains too.