Baby, Watch Out! I'm on a Rant!

WARNING: The following message contains Sarcasm, Profanity & Self-serving interests.

This is an angry message I recently received via facebook inbox. Hostile much?

"you got alot of fucking nerve...so your kid draws on the wall and leaves dirty clothes around...try raising a child with autism!!...you are very selfish and maybe if you gave your family a little respect, you might get some in return...you got alot of problems and many of your choices have lead you to the consequences you are now faced with...stop sleeping so much and maybe look for a job and you might find a new perspective on life...you feel you are entitled to everything you think you deserve...maybe your family has issues with you but cant tell you because you wont accept it...after all, you are perfect..."

Really? I'm not supposed to be frustrated that my child has drawn on my walls? Vandalism is now acceptable behavior? Really? I should be content living in their mess? Is it responsible parenting to allow these things? Because one of his children has autism, & mine don't, I should condone this behavior? If they had any disability, perhaps it wouldn't be so intolerable. Not that I'd wish that, just saying, there is perspective. My kids are supposed to know better. We should be well beyond these issues. I guess I am selfish if that is defined by the expectation that everyone should have to pick up after themselves & follow through with what they say they will do. Selfish indeed.

I was not under the impression that parenting would be easy. I expected my children to talk back- after all, I did it. I believe that having altercations with a parent is part of the growing up process. Doesn't mean I have to like it, does it?  I do not agree that this equals a mutual lack of respect between my family members & me. Just because his problems are perhaps bigger than mine, is that supposed to nullify mine? I can't be annoyed by shoes in the kitchen because there are starving people in Africa?

This person lives on the other side of the continent, & yet he supposes that he knows me. The fact is, we've never spent 5 minutes alone together getting to know one another. My friend dated him & married him. We've spent a handful of evenings together, with other people, in 15 years. That's a fact.

Let's discuss my choices.... when my place of employment was shutting down, my husband & I decided together that we would try to make it on 1 income. We thought it was a good idea that we raise our own children. We knew we would have to make sacrifices. It has been hard. At times, downright frustrating, but I wouldn't change it. When we had to go without a car, it was terribly difficult, but that is the price we paid to raise our own kids instead of hoisting them off on our parents or working to exhaustion to afford daycare. The consequences we faced were worth the rewards. I hardly think adolescence would be kept at bay if I was currently employed. Maybe we'll find out. My husband & I have been discussing, now that transportation is again available, that I would seek some part time employment. But again, that is a decision for us to make....& really isn't anyone else's business...except, perhaps, for the blind boy in India who can relax now that I'm not sleeping all day...

I don't even sleep all night, much less all day! That's right out of the blue. If I wasn't so mad at his arrogance, I could laugh. And I'm sure I will one day but not yet. A life of luxury is not what I have.

As for stuff...I don't need much! The trade-offs of working all the time to buy more stuff just isn't worth it to me. I don't need so much. I need enough...but I'm not greedy & I'm not superficial & I'm not so concerned with keeping up with the Joneses or the Smiths or the Cooks. A paycheck can't buy the things I value most: love, respect, family, friendship, loyalty, affection, laughter, intelligence, integrity, trust, health, comraderie, understanding, morality, generosity...in no particular order. As broke as we've been, we have always managed to contribute (if not monetarily than by donating our time) to charities we support: Diabetes, Autism, Cancer, Heart disease, Special Olympics, Multiple Sclerosis, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Humane Society, local education, sports & band, military & law enforcement, wildlife & the environment, Unicef, Amvets, Goodwill, the Salvation Army, & the Red Cross...

My children have college savings accounts. This man & his wife have opted not to do that for theirs. That's their choice. It's not for me to judge. We have absolutely no credit card debt. We learned from past insanity. We have a modest income & we make ends meet. That's about all I can say on that. Not such terrible consequences. We don't have a huge 5 bedroom house with bills up to the eyeballs & drink a case of beer per night while pretending everything is hunky-dory.

I have a life that I talk about, instead of the sole inanity of professional sports. Some things suck. I never said everything did. Maybe some people have it suckier. Maybe I'm more vocal about what sucks. But you know what? That's what helps me get through it, to put it in perspective & work it out. Suck on that. It doesn't have to be anyone else's method & it doesn't require anyone's approval. Don't like it? Don't read it! Don't like me, then don't interject yourself into my world.

Does my family have issues with me but can't tell me because I won't accept it? (Is that anyone's business but ours?) I suppose that's a possibilty. Anything is possible. But seeing as I've discussed the issues of my children's messiness, sudden penchant for grafitti, the talking-back & grunting & growling at me, the rewards & burdens of a single income, the standards of expectation....it seems to me that they have all had the opportunity to offer any thoughts they've had. I write this as a public forum. I've had private conversations with my husband, parents, sister & friends. None of them thinks a messy house is equivalent to respectful children! It's quite the opposite. None of them thinks my children & I don't have love for each other. And while a job has been mentioned as a way to alleviate some of the financial burdens, they respect the right for my husband & me to make that decision for ourselves, to come to our own conclusions at our own time...but yeah, it's been mentioned. No World War 3, so it seems I'm not that unapproachable. My ego is not so fragile because I know who I am & what matters to me. What I can say is that none of them would try to make any kind of valid point by posting potshots at me on facebook. Jerk.

And at last, the issue of entitlement! Whoopeee!! Yeah, I feel entitled. I do. I feel entitled to be treated with respect by the people in my sphere. I feel entitled to be treated with basic manners & common courtesies. I'm entitled to keep my dignity. I feel entitled to make the rules (with my husband) for our children & guests in our home. I feel entitled to make my own life choices. I feel entitled to talk about things in my life, great or rotten, brought on by myself or thrust upon me. I feel entitled to control what is posted to my facebook pages & to request that one cease what I find objectionable & to delete it which is why facebook gives us that control. I feel entitled to end negative relationships when they cause me so much aggravation. I'm not sure what else he thinks I feel entitled to... but this just about covers it.

Now, excuse me please, I have a nap to catch up on & some kids in the rainforest could use all the shoes I've collected from this house.