Baby, Grab Your Tools

I'm baaaaaack! I've missed you!! Mwah.

So, a few things have been going on around here. The computer was on one evening when we lost power for no apparent reason. The next day when we tried to start our computer, it was stuck in a crazy loop of error messages. Apparently, we'd been hit by more than a few bugs. Couldn't do all the normal things, couldn't even get it to go into safe mode. Ok, that's it. That's about what I know about how to take care of computers. Put that on my list of things I don't want to know. I'm just not interested enough to learn it. You might as well be speaking any number of foreign languages to me. It just doesn't stick. And I'm already gone.....

Know what else I don't want to learn? Drywall. I think there's minor math involved with that, blech! I've been trying to redecorate our hall bathroom for months. I started peeling ugly wallpaper before Christmas, maybe Thanksgiving. Hi, it's almost Easter. I discovered when I pulled the loose paper from the wall by the tub that there is a little issue. Water splashed outside the tub had damaged the wall. I know this is easily taken care of (easily, that is, by someone who knows what he is doing) but it isn't done. I live with a man that has done this type of repair work before, however, he is less interested in home decor than I am by computer maintenance. So the bathroom sits with it's mostly-scraped walls mocking me that I cannot prime & paint & hang the shower curtain back where it belongs.

Mark Twain once said, "Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you." It really does seem to work for most things.

You know what else I never want to learn? Plumbing. In that same bathroom, I need the obstacle of the toilet taken out of the way so that I may get behind it to remove the rest of the dreaded floral covering. Even though I feel I can figure that out (pretty rudimentary workings they are- ask my college roommate who fixed our slipping chain with duct tape!) I don't believe I am strong enough to lift it myself & put it safely out of the way. It looks heavy. I'm just not interested. I don't feel any urge to prove I can be as tough as a man. I cave! I'm not!! I'm as smart as many, smarter than a few, but physically? You win. I surrender. There goes my claim of being a feminist.

Isn't that why we get married? To make a life & divide the chores? Sure, & love of course.

I'm not going to clean the gutters, snake a drain, do any plumbing whatsoever (if a plunger or Draino won't fix it, neither will I.) I'd mow if he asked & I take out the trash as often as he does, but the really nasty & dirty & gross stuff...that's his job as The Man. Besides, he'd have to clean up my vomit if I tried. Do I need to remind anyone of the gray 'gravy' I found while cleaning our fridge? I have an iron stomach when it comes to being sick & rarely catching stomach-intestinal bugs that make one do horrible things into toilets or buckets, but I gag very easily at putrid, rotting, spoiled smells.

I do the dishes. But the super heavy or physical stuff...that's his job too. I do the laundry. I'll cook & I'll clean sometimes. Damned if I'll climb an extension ladder to the second story roof for anything. I'm afraid of ladders. Not of heights, but of ladders.

I point them out, but he kills the spiders. I can spackle & sand & paint, but he hangs curtain rods. I do the holiday decorating & un-decorating but he hauls the boxes to & from the basement. He bathes the dogs, but I clip their nails, clean their ears, & brush their coats. (If you have a dog with a downy undercoat, you must get a Furminator!!) He cleans his boxer's dirty mouth, but I forcefeed my mutt her glucosamine pills.

I don't want to change the oil or rotate the tires or do anything really as far as car maintenance goes. I'll get gas if I have to, but usually he does that for me too. And that's only because he's nice. I don't ask that of him. I just remind him when something is coming time & he does it. I don't want to weed the so-called gardens, & I won't because his boxer insists on doing his business there instead of in the yard. I do however, keep track of the family's appointments, lessons, invites, & keep important papers, do the taxes & pay the bills.

For the most part, we've got a system."I would do anything for love but I won't do that, no, I won't do that..." Maybe I finally understand those Meatloaf lyrics.

I do what I feel is within my area of things & then I point out other things that need to be done. I then I remind him 678 times until a.) he eventually does it or b.) I threaten to call one of our fathers to do it or c.) I throw a hissy fit. Repeat as necessary.

There is no 'Honey-Do' list here. I've got it all committed to memory. I'm quite sure he thanks me for this skill even if he never says so.