Baby, I Live in the State of Denial

Denial. Is there an honest one among us who hasn't used this approach toward all kinds of unpleasant subjects?

birthdays are celebrated

I've been smacked in the face with a whole lotta reality lately, & let me tell you, it ain't fun. I am not enjoying it. This is probably why I need a diversion like changing my hair...so I can delay what I can no longer deny.

Let me set you up- I have great friends. I think they are the kind of people that would drop whatever they are doing & help you out of a bind. There are some I am closer to than others & that's natural, but I think even the ones I'm not as close with would help me out if I asked, within reason & even beyond reason....because they are good people. Some of them talk too loud, drink too much & smoke more than they should...but they all know how to laugh & they greet everyone with open arms.

The odd thing about this bunch, & I acknowledge that it is truly odd in this world today, is that most of us went to high school together. We weren't all in the same classes. We didn't even all hang out with each other then...but after reunions & classmates & facebook, we've found a core of us are still local & still enjoy each other's company, & in many cases, their spouse's company too. (Now get your mind out of the gutter! I mean we've made new friends in them!)

I had a friend say to me nearly 20 years ago, "We're the kind of friends that will always be close. Even if we go 20 years without talking or seeing each other, when we do, we'll pick right back up where we left off & it will be like no time has even passed." Time has passed & we have grown, & I do count him & his wife my friends.

any excuse to get together

But pick right up I did with another, she found me on classmates just before my reunion. Love ya, girlfriend!! We'd meet up once a month or so to have dinner & drinks, or scrapbook & it was like no time had passed at all. Between us, we connected with a huge segment of our high school gang. She was awesome about organizing gatherings. Someone dubbed them Focus Group. This is where I met another gal. We'd gone to high school together too, but didn't know each other. It's crazy how we just clicked. We felt like we'd known each other our whole lives!



So there's a bunch of us & they're really great people & we, as a collective whole, have been hit with some rough stuff lately... Some big, major, life-chaging, get-a-grip, challenges have been thrown this way.


There are a few cancers. There are a few divorces & separations, infidelity. There's been infertility & miscarriage. There is unemployment. There are job transfers & moves. There have been accidents. There has been unexplained illness, a real medical mystery. There is high blood pressure, heart disease & diabetes. There've been 2 who've had surgery for chronic back pain. There are ailing, aging parents & special needs children. I'm sure there are other conditions of which I know nothing.


That's when these friends pull together. We support each other. The occasional cattiness is put aside & there they are with a kind word, a smile or a hug just when it is needed most. The outpouring of love for our dear friend. who is much too young to be dealing with a heart condition, has been amazing! She got hit with the wake-up call, but we were all on the line.


There are more vows to quit smoking than I have ever heard...& I hope they follow through, not just in support, but for themselves. I know it's hard. I did it myself 6 years ago.

We crown princesses.

I don't think anyone's talking about giving up drinking...I mean, good God, that's drastic! Well, they talk about it every Saturday & Sunday morning, but I don't think anyone is really going to do it. I probably drink the least of any of them. I don't have any moral objections to it, I just simply don't because it messes with my blood sugar...& my train of thought, speech, large motor skills....

The heavier ones among us are going to have to get in shape or end up with the same problems. Ugh. That means me. We have pretty much the same body type. The horror of the sweat that is sure to come has me bargaining with my brain. Logic & fact are battling with rationalization & denial. It gives me a headache & a reason to postpone what I don't want to face. Delay & deny are BFFs.


The truth is, I eat well. A little too well apparently...wink, wink. No really. The food I eat is usually very healthy. It might be a little heavy on beef, but I swear it's the lower fat beef. It might be a little heavy on cheese, but I don't drink as much milk as I used to, so I still need my calcium. Right? Right. But what I mean is, I eat mt veggies. I love them. I eat whole grains, brown rice, & fruit. I eat protein & fiber & dairy. I use Splenda in my coffee & my steel cut oats.


My snacks are unpredictable. I don't always have snacks & sometimes I am fine. Sometimes my blood sugar drops & I am not so fine. Whether it be low blood sugar bitchies or the girly hormones, you don't want to mess with me when I need food. I could, figuratively speaking of course, cut your eyes out for looking at me wrong. I could cry & be unable to stop. I could develop a headache so severe, I can't breathe without causing myself excess pain. And even if you wanna kicky my butt, biology already did. So I guess I need to ask my doc about these things. I'm not really sure what to do with it. I do know I most definitely get cyclical cravings...salty, sweet, fatty, oooh, all 3 at once please. I might binge on 1 more of these items for 2 or 3 days once a month, but then I go back to being pretty good & choosing pretty wisely & exercising reasonable self-control . Gotta exercise something some time, right?


But I know, with support, I can start to make the changes. If we work together to heal one, we can work together to heal all. My friend is obviously in need of recovery time. She'll be quite restricted on diet & activity, so I'll get right on board with her, starting in about 5 weeks....

We all deserve to be princesses!

What?!

Denial... Don't call me. I'll call you. I've got your number.

Baby, I'm Bored

totally natural

I need a change. I think it's going to be my hair. I'm bored with my look.

I’d like to drop 20 or 50 or 70 pounds, but that isn’t going to happen overnight, & I want something nearly instantaneous. I want a pick-me-up. I need it.

I don’t want to cut my hair. I like having a ponytail on a daily basis. It’s bone straight & baby fine, so I don’t want a lot more layers- they just make it look thin.

I have been playing with my make-up again, a little bit, here & there, when I wear it. That’s been fun.

bolder 2-toned streaks

So I guess it’s back to the hair… For about a year I’ve been wearing it with long layers with 2 tones of caramel highlights. My natural hair is what the hairdresser calls a #5, a dark brown, but not the darkest of browns. It also has a lot of natural silver highlighting. More silver now than last year… The last time she did my honey-toned highlights, she asked me if she could put some brown coloring in between…. What’s that tell you?

I’m not afraid to be salt-and-pepper. I’m not afraid to go totally gray. Men go gray. I'm a anything-they-can-do-we-can-do kind of chick. I’m just not ready for it yet. A friend of mine says she doesn't color her hair because she wants to, she does it because she has to. Hogwash! You too can be distinguished at 40 if you so desire. When I first started getting the silvery strands in noticeable numbers, I left them alone. Well, the very 1st, I plucked because I was only 13!! But once I got to be over 35 I kind of left them alone. There are just too many to pluck.

I'm pretty low-maintence in the grooming departments. I don't like to spend a lot of time or money on it. I did all that when I was younger & I'm kind of over it. Let's face it, it's not going to take off 20 years or 20 pounds. Though spending an hour or 2 in front of the mirror taking care of only me does bring a certain amount of indulgence with it. There's a luxury not many moms have. Harkens me back to college when a bartender I fancied called me "Fresh Lid" because I changed my hair color, style & cut so frequently. Ahhhhh, Yeah, I'm over it.

There are beautiful, famous celebrities that are totally gray- Paula Deen, Jamie Lee Curtis, & style maven Stacy London, who is approximately my age. Check it out: http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/beauty/hair/celebrity-gray-hairstyles I'd feel perfectly justified in going silver. It's my hair afterall. But why already? I mean, I'd just get bored & have to change it again before it ever came in fully natural. I cropped the ends out of the photo above that show a slightly off tint from a grown-out coloring.

colored my 'natural' color

When I saw some of those pictures of myself, & I noticed that the dark parts of my hair were darker & the silver didn't glint the way it does under bright lights & sun.... It looked very flat, dull, & almost too dark for my skin tone. Then a few more slivers of silver showed themselves. And a few more. My hairdresser was still supportive, that they weren’t prolific enough to whole-head dye. (I like change, but I don’t like maintenance.) But I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror once & I kid you not, my hair looked dusty! Seriously!! Me!! I've always had compliments on my hair from it being shiny, or soft & silky, to holding it’s shape or even being thick to growing fast……& now it’s grayed out so much that it looked drab & dusty! Dusty equals bad. So I dyed it my natural color. And it just came off like black to me. I don't think hair looks right when it's 3 shades darker than the eyebrows.

the subtle highlights

So I made an appointment. I went for all over copper highlights. It was subtle. Almost too subtle. It definitely warmed it up, took away the dusty cast, but didn’t wow me. I didn’t bother with a touch up for almost 6 months when I went for bolder, more caramel colors with a new stylist. And I like it. A year later, I still like them, but I feel bored. I feel like it is time to change. I read in the magazines that going into fall, darker, richer, warmer colors are going to be IT.

I’ve had every color under the sun. I've chosen pics here to illustrate, when my hair is pretty much the same length in each. I can’t say I make a good blonde, so I left that out. I always got the most enthusiastic responses when I was a redhead, but maybe that's 'cause I was young & thin (& stacked! LoL!) It’s a tough call for me since my husband claims he doesn’t care for red hair, even though it was red when we met & started dating…& got married. I haven’t been a redhead since my 8 year old was in the womb. I don’t pick my clothes or style my hair based on my husband’s tastes, but I do appreciate it when he finds me attractive… With more than a decade behind us, it’s nice to know he does.

a dark auburn

I know I don’t want to try blonde again. Even though I’m sure that a good colorist can find a blonde shade that would flatter me, I have nightmares of the maintenance. So do I pick a chocolately, velvety brown? A rich caramel? A chestnutty choice? A sweet sable? Or do I venture back to the reds? A blazing sunset? A copper penny? A fiery auburn? If you have an opinion, offer it up. I know what I'm leaning toward & you might just get me to go through with it or bring me to my senses.

Baby, I Need a Fix

Endorphins.... I hear that word related to things that are supposed to make you feel good. I don't think I have them, or at least, enough of them. I never get that 'runner's high' I've heard about. The fact that I don't run is beside the point. As I understand it, that feeling is supposed to accompany all exercise. A good work out is supposed to give you energy & make you feel good. This has never been the case for me. It makes me sweaty....

I hate sweating. There is nothing that feels good about slippery, smelly, salty droplets falling into my eyes, or rolling down between my boobs, or soaking my crotch so it looks as though I've wet my pants. It gets stickier & stinkier as it dries when cooling down. Where is the pleasure in this?

As for the rest of the workout, well, that's a lot of bouncing or friction. Niether of which I particularly enjoy. Sore muscles often follow. I really don't see any fun in it. Seriously, where are my endorphins?

I heard these magical, mystery things were supposed to accompany breastfeeding too. I read in multiple books that these hormones would be released while feeding my baby. I didn't get them. No fair!! My friend said I'd feel peaceful & relaxed from these endorphins. I call BS. My peace & relaxation came only from the ability to stop the crying & fussing preceding said feeding & relief of the pain in my breasts indicating that it was time to do so. The relaxation was more like forced confinement to the only chair in our house that had adequate arm support, back support, & still left room on my lap for the baby.

Just so there are no misunderstandings, I love my babies. I nursed them for multiple reasons & would do so again. I recommend breastfeeding to all new moms- it's nature's perfect food, it's always ready & available at the proper temperature, there's nothing to pack & carry or sterilize....but those endorphins are a weak selling point. In a woman whose body is already raging with hormones, selling her on another is a bad idea.

Especially if she's me- impatient, prone to crying jags, sentimental attachments, & bursts of annoyance... I really wanted these elusive endorphins & I pretty much feel cheated out of them. My hormones are up, down, & every which way & there is one that is supposed to be stabilizing & comforting & I got ripped off!! I call foul.

I didn't get them from breastfeeding. I don't get them from exercise. WTF? Clearly, I do have hormones doing what they are supposed to do. I mean, I'm a girl. It's obvious I'm a girl. I'm relatively free of body hair & I have boobies. I gave birth to 2 beautiful children. Those hormones are working.

But apparently not all of them are... I don't get enough insulin. There are people way fatter than me that aren't diabetic. Older than me. Less active than me. No freakin' fair.

And then the endorphins.... The feel happy, content, relaxation hormone.... I mean, theorhetically, I'd like to like exercise. I'd like to get thin & fit & enjoy it. If I got that endorphin boost, maybe it would all fall into place. I could whittle a waist, reverse my diabetes, & feel calm, content... But I don't get them. Are people lying to me? Is this a giant hoax? I'm pretty well convinced it's a scam.

I don't need the biggest house. I don't want the fanciest car. I don't care about designer clothes. I don't have to be the cutest chick at the party to find my self-worth. But dangitall, why can't doing something I'm supposed to be doing, that I hate doing, have the side effect for me that makes me want to keep doing it? I have limited motivation! I'm into immediate gratification! Is there a supplement for this?

Seriously, there's a Wikipedia entry all about endorphins. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endorphin You know if it's on Wiki, it must be true.

Maybe I'm Amazed You're Still the One From this Moment on....

You know sometimes when you smell something & you instantly flash to a memory of something, like your grandma's perfume or cookies in the oven when you were a kid? Songs do that too- take me back to a time or place where it held significance.

Yesterday I heard a song playing, Still the One by Shania Twain. (I'm not her biggest fan as I generally try to steer clear of country music.) It flooded me with memories. I went right back in time, holding my husband's hand in my right & one of my little girl's in my left.

My sister in law sang From this Moment On during our wedding ceremony. She kept mixing up which one I wanted her to sing, confused by why I would want Still the One at a wedding. I didn't. We got it right eventually & she sang beautifully, even took all the country out of it for me.

"I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on
You're the reason I believe in love...."

These words are why I chose this song. They're beautiful & simple & say it all. Yes, I'm a sap. I still love it.
Then there are the other songs... our first dance. He suggested Maybe I'm Amazed by Paul McCartney.

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
And hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
Baby I'm a man maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Baby I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby won't you help me understand, Oooohh
Baby I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Baby I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby won't you help me understand, oohhh
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song
Right me when I'm wrong
Maybe I’m amazed at the way I really need you
Oh,Oh,ohhh, yeah, oh,oh ohhh yeahh Oo-oo..."

We discussed this one in depth. I'd thought for a long time that I wanted a different song.
He'd told me repeatedly that he couldn't dance, & even the 'Shuffle & Sway' tactic I knew seemed a little tough to pull off here where the song picks up at the end.... What do you do there? I don’t delude myself into thinking I can dance.

So sure, the words to the song are kind of beautiful. That’s a given. Sir Paul can write a love song! I guess my hubby thought better of it too & we went with my selection.

But every time I hear the song -every single time in the past 12 years- I get sentimental. I think, really? Do I invoke that in him? Still? Because the genius of Paul McCartney isn’t always his lyrics…they say what they need to say but aren’t necessarily poetic. And I soooo don’t know anything about music…can’t read it, write it, play it or sing it. But what I know is what it makes me feel & I hear that cutie-patootie Paul singing his heart out for Linda & I feel (since my husband thought of that song for me) my husband singing it for me, though he never would. Ever. Not on a bet. Not for all the tea in China. Not for a million dollars. Ok, maybe a million would do it....And possibly the most amazing thing is that after so many ups & downs & downs & outs, & loving & liking & being angry with each other & coming back together, raising our children & playing with our dogs & moving & working & trying to pay the bills & living life….& I hear that song, or think about it like I just did, & I feel snug.

I feel warm & enveloped & safe. I see his beautiful blue eyes & his one-dimpled grin, the cleft in his chin & the sprinkle of freckles across his nose & I feel like I did some 12 years ago: young & hopeful & safe. I feel loved.

Maybe it was the simple honesty of that love that etched my heart & mind with his sweet, earnest face the day he suggested this song. Maybe I have a regret or 2 that we didn’t use it. Maybe I long for more of those feelings as we are so busy living our lives that we sometimes forget to be part of each other’s, so Sir Paul is there to remind me…

In the end, we chose Songbird, by Fleetwood Mac.

"For you, there'll be no more crying,
For you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right
To you, I'll give the world
to you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.
And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.
And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before....."
 
Sweet, simple, melodic....still love it. No regrets. It spoke to me then, & still says nothing more or less than what I wanted.

Then yesterday, walking through the park with my wonderful family, I heard the other Shania Twain song & I listened to the words...
"Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'...."

Maybe I’m amazed that with all that life throws at us, that we are still together, still holding hands & still helping each other find our way, wondering where all the time has gone.

He makes me laugh. He makes me crazy. He makes me angrier than anyone else on the planet ever has, but he loves me… me, with all my oddities, insecurities, rituals... demands even… just me. And maybe on those Saturday mornings that don’t happen so often anymore, when the children wake up together & come crawling into our bed to wake us & the dog hops up to get in on the cuddle action & we snuggle & partake in a tickle fiesta & I can’t tell whose elbow is in my ribs….maybe those are the days for which I am most grateful in this life. Maybe I’m amazed that the greatest blessings in life are mine, & he gave them to me, made them with me. And maybe with a little luck, the blessings will continue.
 
"With a little luck we can help it out
We can make this whole damn thing work out.
With a little love we can lay it down
Can't you feel the town exploding.
There is no end to what we can do together
There is no end.
The willow turns his back on inclement weather
And if he can do it we can do it
Just me and you...."

See, Sir Paul has a song for everything....thanks, Wings.
*I did a copy & paste on the song lyrics, so if they're inaccurate or there are problems with them, they aren't mine. ;-)

Maybe We're All Certifiable

You shouldn't read this one if tasteless jokes will offend you. Fair warning.

Yesterday my family was hanging out together watching television. That Lawry's marinade commercial came on that sings the jingle, "What's your flavor?"  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Twb33gGih4)

My husband was playing a game on his iPhone & I was playing a game on my iPod. Sporcle, & if you haven't, you should. It's a trivia game. Whatever question came up, I couldn't think of the answer, but I figured he'd know it, so I asked. He didn't look at me, he looked at the TV, where the Lawry's commercial happened to be playing.

In this commercial, an ethnic variety of women tell the viewer that certain flavors describe themselves, & an Asian woman happened to be onscreen when my husband looked up.

I said, "Hey, don't look at that Thai girl, I'm over here," absolutely jokingly. Plus, I don't even know if she is Thai....

He says, "But I can probably buy her for $3."

My 10 year old daughter pipes up, "Oh, Annie would like that!"

My younger daughter chimes in, "Yeah, 'cause that last one you bought me didn't have her code."

I start giggling. My husband looks baffled. "Just go with it. They don't get it."

"She might not even care about the dolls," Ally continues. "She just needs the codes to play with them on the computer."

I'm still chuckling at their beautiful innocence when my husband says, "Are they going to grow up, suddenly understand all this stuff, & realize how dirty I am?"

"No, they'll figure out how nasty you are long before they grow up," I tease.

"Did you hear about the guy in New York that tried to marinate his cat?" (http://www.mediaite.com/online/this-is-the-face-of-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-marinating-his-cat/ or http://www.mediaite.com/online/this-is-the-face-of-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-marinating-his-cat/) "He said it was, 'greedy & possessive. And that even though it was a neutered male, it got pregnant."

 "See? This is what I mean! That is disgusting & you're laughing about it," I said. He had already mentioned this story to me several times that day.

"But did you see the guy?"

"He tortured that poor cat!" I object to his taunts.

"The cat's fine. It can be funny since the cat's fine. Seriously, look at the guy." He pulls the story up on his phone. "Did you see his friend?"

My younger daughter interrupts, "So are you gonna buy me a new Ty girl?" No getting one by this girl. No sirree.

Maybe It's a Girl Thing

Annie Lennox of Eurythmics

as in a young girl....

After reading a friend's blog (http://lightenupweber.blogspot.com/2010/07/its-only-rock-n-roll-but-he-knows.html) I made a rather lengthy comment. Those of you familiar with me will notice such a tendancy. Here's some of her response to it, & my post follows.

Hey Kerbi! You just wrote a great blog post, girlie! Lol. Cut and paste and start a blogger account!

My 10 year old daughter asked me to put Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics on her iPod, so I tried, but it told me it was already there. (She has a Shuffle.) 
"It's already there!" I call to her.
"Oh, Dad actually did it?" she asks, walking into the room. 
I pull up the list of her music & show her. Along with Sweet Dreams, he has also apparently loaded Missionary Man & Who's That Girl?
She starts screaming at me, in a panic, "Take it off! I didn't ask for that!! I don't even know what it is!" 

Pat Benatar

I suggest she listen & decide afterward whether she likes it or not, wants to keep it or not. She decided Missionary Man was good, but Who's That Girl? was not.

"And while you're at it, please take off Johnny Cash too. I don't know why he puts that on there. I keep telling him I don't like Johnny Cash. He's trying to torture me!" 

I do as requested.

I asked her if she wanted anything else, as long as we were there.

"Like what?" She's so suspicious.

So I run through my 80s tunes... "Since you like Don't Stop Believin', I have another Journey song if you want to hear it & see if you like it, Stone in Love," & I play it.

30 seconds in, she crinkled her nose, shakes her head & says no.

"What about this? It's the same era, same kind of thing," & I play Foreigner's Jukebox Hero.

Again with the nose crinkle.
"How about this?" I ask hopefully & play Styx' Renegade.

Joan Jett

Nose crinkle.

"How about some rockin' chicks?" I ask.

I play Pat Benetar. No. Joan Jett.

"Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but this music sucks."

WWHAAT????!!!

"I don't like guitar stuff."

BLASPHEMY!!!!!

But I keep my cool. I play Jack & Diane by John Cougar (no Mellencamp then.) There goes the nose! "I don't really like drums either."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. "So you don't really like music is what you're telling me- no guitars & no drums, 2 essential components of good music. 
Here. What do you think of this?" I asked as I played I Ran by A Flock of Seagulls. It's all I had left to try.
"It's okay," she says, shrugging her shoulders. 
"Do you want that on your iPod?" I asked with too much hope.
"Nope! I'm good!" And she bounds away...

I call after her, "What the heck is wrong with you?! How can you call something with no drum & no guitar MUSIC?!"

Selena Gomez

That's a true story. :-)

She likes Selena Gomez & Miranda Cosgrove, even Miley Cyrus..... (sigh.) Do these children really make music without guitars & drums?

And here is the rest of Dawn's comment. Didn't want to offer any spoilers.

I love the "nose crinkle." Well acquainted with that, also the "eye roll", which I have also perfected. How can u not like the guitar and percussion in Jack n Diane?! I agree. Blasphemy.

Miranda Cosgrove

 

 

 

*Ok, ok, I'll admit I added a few clarifications & tidied up my typos & such.

Thank you, Google Images for the, uh, images.

 

Now that I think of it, I guess I had a few years on my daughter when the music I (still) like was current.

Miley Cyrus

Baby, What I Wouldn't Give...

My peaceful retreat

I'm sleep-obsessed. I admit  it. I'm not sure there is such a thing as 'enough sleep.' I really don't know how this happened to me, but I do know when it began. I know that I used to sleep....

When I was a child, I slept. I shared not only a room, but a full sized bed with my sister for several years. I'm certain there was sleep (when there wasn't fighting) because my mother came to wake us up for school, & either she was the meanest of mean, or we were hard to wake up....she'd flip on the overhead light & pull the blankets off! So rude! (I love you, Momma.)

When we travelled to visit our extended family, I'd sleep in the car on the way there.  We stay at various aunts & uncles houses. Usually we stayed at Aunt Pat's & we camped out on the living room floor. A blanket or sleeping bag & a pillow & 6 other kids....& I slept. Sometimes I'd get lucky enough to claim the couch or love seat, but I was one of the younger kids, so, sometimes not...

At Aunt Clara's, I slept on the floor between my cousins' beds. Their bedroom was just like my sister's & mine, only they had the yellow version of the bedding & we had the blue, & they had 2 twin beds & we had the full...but the point was, I was able to sleep.

not the most comfortable of beds

My family used to camp for vacation in a pop-up trailer. My sister & I had to share one of the outcroppings with the foam mat. Even in the rain, whereby if you hit the side of the tent it would leak, I slept. In the heat & humidity, with bugs, I slept.

I went to sleep-overs & slumber parties & I slept. I went to college & I slept. I could hear various things through the night from the hallway in the dorm or outside the window, or under my loft if my roommate or I had visitors staying over...heck, she snored, yet I slept.

Home for the summers & after college, when my younger brother stole my room (wink, wink), his friends came in & out through the night, walking past my new door & I slept through it all....for the most part.

My husband & I lived over a crazy woman in our 1st apartment, & he'd wake me up to listen to her freak-outs & rants at 3 am, or cooing to her kitties. I could've slept through it. I'd sleep on airplanes & on road trips- 20 minutes in & I'm out....

And then there was pregnancy......& I no longer slept. First there was waking up in the middle of the night to pee. Then there was massive discomfort. Really, being told to sleep on my left side was pressure I just didn't need when I am a natural right side sleeper. And then there was baby.... I know all parents relate to the middle of the night awakenings.

But I'd wake for everything. I'd wake up at any change in the rhythm of her breathing. I'd wake up if my husband rolled over. I'd wake up if my dog got up to secure the perimeter. I'd wake up when the neighbors across the street came home after closing down the bar or when the neighbors next door left for work at 5 AM. Sometimes I'd wake myself because I dreamed my alarm was beeping or I was fearful I wouldn't ake up when I was supposed to be.... 

It wasn't until we moved into a bigger home & the girls had their own rooms that my older daughter learned to sleep without waking up & coming into our bed. She was 7. I mean, there were times when she didn't wake up & would sleep through the night in her bed, but if she woke up, she returned to us...

My little one- she's usually the easier sleeper, she'll go to bed willingly. In fact, she'll tell us that she's tired & ask to go to sleep. Girl after my own heart. The older one doesn't believe she's ever tired. But my little one is 8 (& a 1/2) now...& she still occasionally wakes in the middle of the night to tell me she can't sleep...which usually means, she's about to take my spot in the bed & snuggle until I wake up & then she sleeps solidly until morning....

Doodle's bed- -my bed
What's wrong with this picture?  

Really, everybody seems to like my bed best. You see here who's bed is unoccupied & where she was snoozing.

When it seemed like a might get a decent night's rest again, I started waking to use the potty again....well, I'm not pregnant (ain't no way, no how) so I conclude that 40 sucks. Only it wasn't that I was coming up on 40 that sucked so much, I'd become diabetic. Now that sucks....

So I developed a very close relationship with my doctor as we mapped out a plan to get my glucose levels controlled & I was doing pretty well. Until...

Not quite a year ago, I noticed that I was tired ALL the time. I got so tired that my whole day was spent trying to NOT fall asleep. It was like I was narcoleptic! If I gave in & took a nap, I’d sleep for hours, even though I was getting 7 or so every night. I mentioned this to my dr. He asked for clarification. I guess I'm what you call a light sleeper. I wake easily, & if I've had 2-3 hours already, then I have trouble falling back to sleep. I hear the dogs' nocturnal wanderings. I hear my furnace or air conditioning turn on & shut off. I hear the bubbles in the fish tank & then I have to pee...& that's it. Once I've gotten up, then I'm up.

He talked to me about sleep apnea. I was insistent that I didn’t have apnea. My father has it. My brother has it. I do not have it. I'm a lady. Haha! Seriously though, I know what it is & I know the symptoms & I know what it sounds like & I'm certain that I don't have it. There must be another reason for my fatigue. I try to exercise but I’m just too tired. I try to diet even better, because I gain & lose the same 8 pounds repeatedly. I lost nothing. My dr said I should go to this sleep study... & I must have had some look on my face because he says, “What do you have to lose? Even if we just rule it out?” Everyone with apnea snores. I mentioned that my husband doesn’t think I snore, he says it’s only if I have a cold. I got the amused smile & nod, “If you ask a woman if her husband snores, she can tell you yes or no. If you ask a man if his wife snores, only about ½ of them know.”

So I went & it was miserable. I had wires glued all over my head, including my face. They were glued to my arms & legs & beltedat my chest & to my waist. Horrendous. Humiliating. Hateful. The worst one was the ‘snore mic’ right on the front of my throat. I may be a little claustrophobic & this was Hell.

Clearly, this isn't me, but it shows well the
torture devices to which I was attached
& with which I was expected to sleep.

I did my best to sleep, but every time I moved, I pulled the wires free from my legs & they had to come in & reattach them. I was uncomfortable & annoyed which didn't exactly help me sleep. Add to that full knowledge of the video camera recording your every move & the foreign sounds & smells & awareness that this isn't your own bed...it's a recipe for agony. To quote Dante from Clerks, "I'm not even supposed to be here today." (I felt that through & through.)

Now let me just tell you, at home, I sleep with a fan on because I get warm when I sleep & I get to feeling like I can’t breathe when it get too warm, or I feel trapped if I can’t kick my feet out from under the blankets now & then. I didn't bring a big Vortex fan with me to the sleep study, but I did bring my sound machine so I could listen to the 'waves' that I listen to every night. It didn't help. At home, I sleep with my door open. I'm happy with my bed. I brought my pillows with me, but not the bed, & I couldn't leave the door open.

So I endured the wretched night... I felt like I didn’t sleep at all. I heard a voice saying my name & it was 5 am & the study was over...I felt like I'd only just drifted off.  I actually asked if I slept & they said I did enough, letting me know that it most definitely wasn’t enough for me. I’d heard others say they knew before they left that they did have the apnea…so I asked if I snored. The tech looked a little embarrassed & said that I did, but it was very soft & that they probably wouldn’t have picked it up without the mic on my throat. She said she couldn’t tell me whether I had apnea or not, but she did comment on how much I moved my legs & kicked. That didn’t really surprise me.

A couple of days later, I get an envelope in the mail from the sleep study lab. It's a bill for $512.00! I'd say that's a litle more to lose than a night of sleep... I called the billing number provided & inquired. Apparently there was a clerical error & all the numbers (group number & identification number both) from my insurance card were put on 1 line, so that it was unrecognizable... so that was straightened out & billed to insurance & presumably paid because I never got another bill.

So my results came back & I do not have sleep apnea. Shocker. Can you tell your doctor I told ya so? I don't really know why I am -but I'm sleeping a little better these days, when my husband doesn't talk to me at 3 am & when my old lady dog doesn't wake me, or the kids don't climb in bed with me- I'm just grateful that I am. This morning my little one announced that she couldn't sleep, climbed into bed with us, & ended my rest... My husband got up for work & found me here at the computer, "What's Annie doing in our bed?" I answerd that she couldn't sleep. "She's sleeping fine now. Why are you up?" I just looked at him. He nodded. "Because Annie's asleep in our bed, " he answered himself.

It's going on 11 years since I've been a mother since I've had more than a random, good night's sleep. Wonder if it will ever happen again?

Vegas, Baby

So in my last piece I told y'all I had a funny little story about my husband & his fear of heights. Maybe it's only funny to me, because I have no fear of heights. I have a little fear of falling, but not of being up high. It's a different entity. 

We went to Vegas for our anniversary. I wanted to go to the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower. I'd done it once during the day on a previous trip & was interested in seeing it at night. He agreed & we scouted through our coupon book & to find our 2-for-1 for the Eiffel Tower Experience. We headed over to the Paris & waited in line. As we entered the elevator, I saw this sign & it made me chuckle.

We take our souvenir photo & they took it 3 times! We were steaming up the camera or something. Every one was foggy or blurred, or maybe that was just us. We take the next elevator up to the observation deck & I go right out to outside, jockeying for a place to see out, to view the Vegas strip. I'm wiggling around trying to get a photo without the 'cage' safety mesh in the shot. Never did manage one. I check one side, then another. I watch the Bellagio fountains from a new perspective. The music was faintly carried up here & there, dependent on the breeze, but it was still a beautiful chorus. "Isn't that amazing?!" I say to my husband with excitement. He answers, "Uh-hmm."

Bellagio fountains (& cage)

I go to another vantage point. "I wonder what they're building there."

He lightly taps my hand, "Are you almost ready?"

The Cosmopolitan scheduled to open December, 2010

"Sure, I just want to get one of our hotel & see what else I can see." He answers okay, but something in his voice made me pause. I looked at him, really looked at him. He was pressed against the wall next to the elevator trying not to see anything, sort of pale. "Are you okay?"


"I'm just really ready to go down now."


"I don't get it, you're on solid footing. You're in a cage. You can't fall off."

view of the Strip with Ceasar's, Harrah's, Mirage, Venetian...

"I don't get it either, but I need to go, soon."



Then we get in line for the next elevator down. He has relief on his face & I feel antsy. I hate being packed in like a sardine with strangers.




So now when we do our dreaming of the some days & the one days & the if we ever get to go tos... I know if we ever get to go to the real Paris in France & I want to see the view from the actual Eiffel Tower, I'm on my own. If he couldn't take the 1/2 scale model in Vegas, he surely won't tolerate the full scale of the original. But I dream of someday.... I mean, if a copy is this beautiful...how grand is the original?

The Eiffel Tower at the Paris Hotel & Casino

I know that what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas, but it's an innocent little story in the end.

Baby, I'm Gonna Scream!

There are 2 big Ohio amusement parks. There used to be a 3rd, & I miss it. All are/were owned by Cedar Fair. $45.99 & $49.99 are the current at-the-gate admissions for one day, for one park, for people over 48" tall, in US dollars as posted on their websites today. I don't promise these to be valid tomorrow. ;-)

King’s Island opened in 1972. I went there once in 1979. It was the year The Beast opened & the lines were so long, we didn't get to go on it. We did ride The Racer. That's about all I really remember. It’s been awhile. I’d like to go back. According to their website (http://www.visitkingsisland.com/) there are currently 12 rides classified as thrill rides that are included with admission. I like roller coasters & my family likes roller coasters. KI offers a total of 14 roller coasters. Wooo-hooo! The park is located in Mason, OH, kind of near Cincinatti, & can boast that The Partridge Family (I ♥ you, David Cassidy!) filmed there in 1972,

The Bradys

The Brady Bunch filmed there in 1973 & in 1975, ABC’s Wide World of Sports filmed daredevil entertainer Evel Knieval jumping 14 Greyhound busses. In 2008, Robbie Knievel, the son of the legend, jumped 24 Coke Zero trucks, & high wire artist Rick Wallenda, grandson of Karl Wallenda, broke a world Skywalk record by walking the distance from Kings Island's Eiffel Tower to the park entrance setting a world record-breaking distance of 2,000’ on a 5/8 inch high wire 75’ above the ground. (I know, blah, blah, blah, but visual what that is & it's got wow-factor.) Grandpa Wallenda set the previous record in 1974, also at Kings Island, AND, hold onto your hats, Barry Williams, Susan Olsen, & Mike Lookinland returned to Kings Island for A Very Brady Reunion, a 4 show special of song, dance, and Brady Bunch stories. Some very impressive claims to fame if you were a child of the 70’s like me. The bad news is that the biggest, baddest coaster in the park, Son of Beast, the world record holder for the longest wooden roller coaster, plagued with problems having allegedly caused injuries to at least 28 people is routinely shut down & there are no plans to open it at all in 2010. Are the others good enough to warrant a trip there when it is a good 4 hours further than the tried & true Cedar Point?

The Millenium Force

Cedar Point opened in 1870 as a beach & dance hall. The 1st thrill ride, a roller coaster called the Switchback Railway debuted in 1892 & forever shaped the future of the park. With a whopping 17 roller coasters, Cedar Point is the self-proclaimed ‘Roller Coast’ as it sits on a penninsula on the shores of Lake Erie in Sandusky, OH. It has bragging rights as the park with the most roller coasters. Period. Another 15 rides are classified as thrill rides & there are 3 water rides in the park. Our family favorite rides are Raptor, Magnum & Millenium Force. It's been said that on a clear day, you can see Canada across the lake from the top of the MF hill. I teasingly asked my kids if they did, to which my husband replied, "All I could see was, 'Please keep your hands & feet inside the car at all times...'." 
2nd tier faves would include Gemini, Iron Dragon & Wildcat. Non-rollercoasters I personally like are the Witch's Wheel, Ocean Motion, Matterhorn & Scrambler. My kids love Chaos. They exited Skyhawk white as sheets while claiming they loved it. I'm not nutty enough to have tried that one. Check them all out at http://www.cedarpoint.com/.

I will admit to never having ridden Top Thrill Dragster. I know my limits. (Aerosmith's Rock 'n Roller coaster at Disney's Hollywood Studios is also a slingshot effect coaster with massive G-Forces & I thought that if it didn't start exactly when it did, there was going to be a mess. I've never been sick from a ride before & I don't intend to start now. So when I saw how strong the forces were on Top Thrill, I declined. Maybe I'm a baby or maybe I'm genius!) I also don't think a one-hill thrill ride, regardless how skyscrapingly high that hill is, ought to be called a roller coaster. That's 1 roll & a lot of coast. I don't care if you spin around on your coast down; there still ought to be another hill. Do something with all that power & speed that's been created! Blue Streak, the oldest coaster in the park, has multiple hills & lots of air time.

Come to think of it, I have a few issues with some of the other larger coasters too. Mean Streak is bumpy & can give me a headache. Maverick nearly gave me whiplash, & as it is the newest coaster in the park, I was disappointed by it after waiting in the longest line we'd had all day. Mantis is the standing coaster, & if the seat isn't positioned exactly perfectly, you will be walking funny when you disembark.  (Wow, they have a lot of M-named roller coasters!) Don't misunderstand me, I still ride them, but conditions have to be just so. No long waits for the less optimal rides. I'd rather ride any of the 1st 3 I named multiple times before waiting more than 15 minutes for these last few. I don't need any help getting aches & pains these days. (Remember, I was a child in the 70's which now makes me on-my-way-to old.) I’ve been to the park almost every summer, at least once, since I was 7 or 8 years old, though I did miss a few years here & there. I always missed what I'd missed on those years.

The Mantis

My husband hadn’t been there when he was growing up, so I had to take him. I took him on his first major roller coasters! He'd been on some, but not on the scale they have at Cedar Point. I made him go on the ferris wheel with me too when he still cared about acting all manly & couldn't show his fear of heights. I have a funny story about that for another time.

While CP doesn’t have nearly as impressive a list of celebrity appearances or filming credits it does have 2 of which I'm pretty sure no one has ever heard- the 2004 movie Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind: Infestation From Mars is set in Sandusky and contains numerous scenes set at the park. Cedar Point is supposedly integral to the plot of the movie & some CP executives even appear in in cameo roles. Also, characters in the 1998 'coming of age' movie Edge Of Seventeen work at a restaurant at Cedar Point. Though the movie is set in the 1980s, the only shot featuring the park is filmed at a distance and clearly shows Raptor, which was built in 1994. Ooops.

View from the Boardwalk of Geauga Lake-
the Americana Ferris Wheel, the Thunderhawk & the Dominator

My family started frequenting the now-closed & dearly missed Geauga Lake when our children began expressing an interest in the rides. They would see the commercials on TV & get excited. They really weren't big enough at the time to ride enough stuff at CP to make it cost-effective. So Geauga Lake, very family friendly & wallet friendly saved the day & won our hearts.

It was an historical amusement park having opened in 1888 & was home to Ohio’s (7th in the nation) oldest wooden roller coaster, The Big Dipper, built in 1925. While rides of all types were relocated to other Cedar Fair properties, some were auctioned. Roller coaster aficionados purchased the Big Dipper, but have no home for it. It makes me sad. It was a really fun ride. I only have a picture of 1 of my kids waiting in line for it, not 1 photo of the ride itself. We had hoped that our favorite roller coaster, The Dominator, would have been taken to Cedar Point because Cedar Point is known for record breaking roller coasters, but no, it went to one of their parks in Va. [Dominator was built while the property was owned by Six Flags, was once called Batman, & still, to the best I can ascertain, holds the record for the longest floorless roller coaster.] GL was located in Aurora, OH & was only a 15-20 minute drive from our home. We got season passes the last 2 years the park was open & would have a 3rd year, if the park had remained open. It was a great amusement park for a family- lots to do even with the little ones. There were only 5 rides in the park, to my recollection, that our youngest couldn’t ride. That’s not bad. But it seemed clear the last year that the parent company, Cedar Fair, was not invested in the park’s success. Rides were shut down. One of our favorite roller coasters, Raging Wolf Bobs, wasn’t open during the entire last season. We’re still annoyed by the way they went about closing the park. They didn’t announce it until the day after the last day the park was open. FYI- that was Oktoberfest 2007 & it happened to be cold. We were there in our jackets, but I heard from numerous friends that they would have gone too had they known it was their last chance.

My girls on the Tea Party in 2007

I’m sure the rationale was that they were competing with themselves. CP is about an hour’s drive west from GL. What they didn’t figure was the locals… We had a choice between a 15 minute drive or an hour drive. We had the choice between no noticeable gas usage & a ½ a tank, depending on the vehicle's consumption. We had the choice to drive back roads, avoiding traffic jams. We had the choice to go to the ‘twilight hours’ & feel like we still got our money’s worth. We got season passes for the family. We don’t do that at Cedar Point. 1 day’s admission at CP is a good $15 more than it was at GL. I’m estimating of course, because I can’t account for all the discount plans available, but for a family of 4, that adds up. Then you add on the gas. Then you add on $2 more for parking. Then you add on possible tolls for driving the turnpike, unless you know the alternate route. There’s wear & tear on the car adding that many miles. There’s no going for ‘twilight hours’ anymore. Now when you go, you have to get your money’s worth. It’s a full day. You must leave early & stay late because you can’t come back tomorrow. If it’s crowded & you wait in lines for an hour for a ride, well, you’re going to wait because it is the only time you’re going. I mean, it involves advance planning. No spontaneity to head over after work... You've got to pull the day off work. You have to have sunscreen & good walking shoes. There’s no backing out if it’s too crowded or if it’s raining. These were all things we enjoyed about Geauga Lake. We took full advantage of such perks & conveniences that are no longer possible. Yet we also still took the 1 trip to CP. They didn’t lose us. They just aren’t getting as much as they used to from us. These are things you think about as you're reading the news & feeling the disappointment of an era gone by. It's not what you think about at the park. At the park, you're all caught up with the bright colors & the happy music, the laughter & the screams of joy... There's a magic when you're there that allows you to think you might actually win that big Snoopy & you don't care that you're shelling out $5 or $7 for cheese-on-a-stick that's going to kill you. It's fun, it's tasty, & when you're there, it's worth it! I just know that when I'm there, I feel like a kid again. It's with nervous anticipation or sheer delight or the tickle of inertia... that I laugh. A lot! I have fun & I giggle & squeal & scream~ Wooooooohooooooo!

The Raptor

Isn’t that why we go? Don’t we love to get whirled & twirled? Don’t we want the highest of highs & the fastest of fast to make our stomachs drop & our hearts skip & our adrenaline rush? Pounding the pavement & bearing the Ohio summer heat & humidity is worth 1 ½ -4 minutes of breathtaking air time, is it not? My favorite way to end the night at CP is to ride the Raptor. Since your legs & feet are free, they swing a little & there's some relief for them tired & barkin' dogs. Go ahead, kick the sky!!!

But here’s a question I do have: Since Geauga Lake is no longer an option, which one is better, Cedar Point or King's Island?