Baby, I Need a Fix

Endorphins.... I hear that word related to things that are supposed to make you feel good. I don't think I have them, or at least, enough of them. I never get that 'runner's high' I've heard about. The fact that I don't run is beside the point. As I understand it, that feeling is supposed to accompany all exercise. A good work out is supposed to give you energy & make you feel good. This has never been the case for me. It makes me sweaty....

I hate sweating. There is nothing that feels good about slippery, smelly, salty droplets falling into my eyes, or rolling down between my boobs, or soaking my crotch so it looks as though I've wet my pants. It gets stickier & stinkier as it dries when cooling down. Where is the pleasure in this?

As for the rest of the workout, well, that's a lot of bouncing or friction. Niether of which I particularly enjoy. Sore muscles often follow. I really don't see any fun in it. Seriously, where are my endorphins?

I heard these magical, mystery things were supposed to accompany breastfeeding too. I read in multiple books that these hormones would be released while feeding my baby. I didn't get them. No fair!! My friend said I'd feel peaceful & relaxed from these endorphins. I call BS. My peace & relaxation came only from the ability to stop the crying & fussing preceding said feeding & relief of the pain in my breasts indicating that it was time to do so. The relaxation was more like forced confinement to the only chair in our house that had adequate arm support, back support, & still left room on my lap for the baby.

Just so there are no misunderstandings, I love my babies. I nursed them for multiple reasons & would do so again. I recommend breastfeeding to all new moms- it's nature's perfect food, it's always ready & available at the proper temperature, there's nothing to pack & carry or sterilize....but those endorphins are a weak selling point. In a woman whose body is already raging with hormones, selling her on another is a bad idea.

Especially if she's me- impatient, prone to crying jags, sentimental attachments, & bursts of annoyance... I really wanted these elusive endorphins & I pretty much feel cheated out of them. My hormones are up, down, & every which way & there is one that is supposed to be stabilizing & comforting & I got ripped off!! I call foul.

I didn't get them from breastfeeding. I don't get them from exercise. WTF? Clearly, I do have hormones doing what they are supposed to do. I mean, I'm a girl. It's obvious I'm a girl. I'm relatively free of body hair & I have boobies. I gave birth to 2 beautiful children. Those hormones are working.

But apparently not all of them are... I don't get enough insulin. There are people way fatter than me that aren't diabetic. Older than me. Less active than me. No freakin' fair.

And then the endorphins.... The feel happy, content, relaxation hormone.... I mean, theorhetically, I'd like to like exercise. I'd like to get thin & fit & enjoy it. If I got that endorphin boost, maybe it would all fall into place. I could whittle a waist, reverse my diabetes, & feel calm, content... But I don't get them. Are people lying to me? Is this a giant hoax? I'm pretty well convinced it's a scam.

I don't need the biggest house. I don't want the fanciest car. I don't care about designer clothes. I don't have to be the cutest chick at the party to find my self-worth. But dangitall, why can't doing something I'm supposed to be doing, that I hate doing, have the side effect for me that makes me want to keep doing it? I have limited motivation! I'm into immediate gratification! Is there a supplement for this?

Seriously, there's a Wikipedia entry all about endorphins. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endorphin You know if it's on Wiki, it must be true.