Baby, Grab Your Tools

I'm baaaaaack! I've missed you!! Mwah.

So, a few things have been going on around here. The computer was on one evening when we lost power for no apparent reason. The next day when we tried to start our computer, it was stuck in a crazy loop of error messages. Apparently, we'd been hit by more than a few bugs. Couldn't do all the normal things, couldn't even get it to go into safe mode. Ok, that's it. That's about what I know about how to take care of computers. Put that on my list of things I don't want to know. I'm just not interested enough to learn it. You might as well be speaking any number of foreign languages to me. It just doesn't stick. And I'm already gone.....

Know what else I don't want to learn? Drywall. I think there's minor math involved with that, blech! I've been trying to redecorate our hall bathroom for months. I started peeling ugly wallpaper before Christmas, maybe Thanksgiving. Hi, it's almost Easter. I discovered when I pulled the loose paper from the wall by the tub that there is a little issue. Water splashed outside the tub had damaged the wall. I know this is easily taken care of (easily, that is, by someone who knows what he is doing) but it isn't done. I live with a man that has done this type of repair work before, however, he is less interested in home decor than I am by computer maintenance. So the bathroom sits with it's mostly-scraped walls mocking me that I cannot prime & paint & hang the shower curtain back where it belongs.

Mark Twain once said, "Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you." It really does seem to work for most things.

You know what else I never want to learn? Plumbing. In that same bathroom, I need the obstacle of the toilet taken out of the way so that I may get behind it to remove the rest of the dreaded floral covering. Even though I feel I can figure that out (pretty rudimentary workings they are- ask my college roommate who fixed our slipping chain with duct tape!) I don't believe I am strong enough to lift it myself & put it safely out of the way. It looks heavy. I'm just not interested. I don't feel any urge to prove I can be as tough as a man. I cave! I'm not!! I'm as smart as many, smarter than a few, but physically? You win. I surrender. There goes my claim of being a feminist.

Isn't that why we get married? To make a life & divide the chores? Sure, & love of course.

I'm not going to clean the gutters, snake a drain, do any plumbing whatsoever (if a plunger or Draino won't fix it, neither will I.) I'd mow if he asked & I take out the trash as often as he does, but the really nasty & dirty & gross stuff...that's his job as The Man. Besides, he'd have to clean up my vomit if I tried. Do I need to remind anyone of the gray 'gravy' I found while cleaning our fridge? I have an iron stomach when it comes to being sick & rarely catching stomach-intestinal bugs that make one do horrible things into toilets or buckets, but I gag very easily at putrid, rotting, spoiled smells.

I do the dishes. But the super heavy or physical stuff...that's his job too. I do the laundry. I'll cook & I'll clean sometimes. Damned if I'll climb an extension ladder to the second story roof for anything. I'm afraid of ladders. Not of heights, but of ladders.

I point them out, but he kills the spiders. I can spackle & sand & paint, but he hangs curtain rods. I do the holiday decorating & un-decorating but he hauls the boxes to & from the basement. He bathes the dogs, but I clip their nails, clean their ears, & brush their coats. (If you have a dog with a downy undercoat, you must get a Furminator!!) He cleans his boxer's dirty mouth, but I forcefeed my mutt her glucosamine pills.

I don't want to change the oil or rotate the tires or do anything really as far as car maintenance goes. I'll get gas if I have to, but usually he does that for me too. And that's only because he's nice. I don't ask that of him. I just remind him when something is coming time & he does it. I don't want to weed the so-called gardens, & I won't because his boxer insists on doing his business there instead of in the yard. I do however, keep track of the family's appointments, lessons, invites, & keep important papers, do the taxes & pay the bills.

For the most part, we've got a system."I would do anything for love but I won't do that, no, I won't do that..." Maybe I finally understand those Meatloaf lyrics.

I do what I feel is within my area of things & then I point out other things that need to be done. I then I remind him 678 times until a.) he eventually does it or b.) I threaten to call one of our fathers to do it or c.) I throw a hissy fit. Repeat as necessary.

There is no 'Honey-Do' list here. I've got it all committed to memory. I'm quite sure he thanks me for this skill even if he never says so.

Who Loves Ya, Baby?

I don't believe in Karma. I want to- it sounds so great! Who doesn't want people to get what they deserve, both good & bad? What comes around goes around.... really? WHEN?!

Then there's faith. It's all part of God's plan, people will tell you. And because it's God, you're supposed to be ok with it, even if His plan sucks completely. I can't help but wonder if He thought about how these plans intertwined & overlapped. And when one will end so we can start a new plan, a better plan.

It's not that I think everything is horrible. I don't. I just don't think everything is as great as it could be. People like to say things like, "Life isn't fair." Well, that's crap. It's true, but it's still crap. 'Life isn't fair' isn't an excuse to go out & with an 'every man for himself' attitude & take what you can get. That stinks. Life ought to be fair. We should be doing what we can to even things out. And I'm not talking politics.

If we lived our lives by The Golden Rule, things would be better, all around, for everybody. If we all just took a moment to think, would I like that? Would that help me? Would that hurt me? Sure it's simplistic. Life is easy when we don't let selfishness & greed & anger get in the way.

No one is infallible- I get angry. I get really angry sometimes, & sometimes it's about stupid stuff. The little stupid stuff that's so easy to avoid are probably the things that irk me the most. Just pick up after yourselves. If you put away what you get out, there's nothing to freak out about. I'm not complaining about doing the dusting or the vacuuming or even the dishes (when they're in the kitchen) or the laundry (when it's been tossed down the chute) but I do & will continue to get steamed by dishes & laundry all over the house, shoes & books in my path, things that prevent me from doing the chores, like dusting & vacuuming, that no one person creates. Eventually I get over it.

But I do think putting yourself in the other's shoes would alleviate these conflicts. How would you feel? If I tell you that your stuff all over the place is like noise in my brain, the more there is the louder it is...could you understand that? That the visual clutter is like a band where each member is playing a different song, full blast? Would it make you feel like you were cared for, loved, respected & appreciated if that was continually ignored? I don't expect perfection, but an attempt would be great. Just a little effort would go a long way.

Today started badly for me, but I refuse to let it take me down. In the spirit of the upcoming holiday, I have decided to take the things that those with whom I live haven't put away. We will see how much those items are appreciated. It's done & over. I'm not going to dwell on it.

Instead I've decided to count my blessings, to think of the things I love about each one of them, the bonds that keep me here with them willingly through the struggles. I've decided to focus on the good in them. Because, regardless of my dissatisfaction at times, I know it is there.

My husband- He's smart. He works hard to provide for us. He has a strong sense of family. He is funny, wickedly funny at times. He does the grocery shopping. He's a great daddy. He's a good cook. He lets me have the remote. He does pitch in when he sees the stress I feel. He throws out odd, pop-culture references that he should be too young to have heard 1st hand. He reminds me to play. He's good-looking. He can still take my breath away. And the rest is a bit... personal. ; )

My first daughter- She's smart. She's goofy. She's genuinely concerned for others' feelings. (Not mine of course, other others!) She's generous. She's a free-spirit. She possesses athletic & musical talent. She's adventurous. She's outgoing. She projects self-confidence. She stands behind her convictions. She's energetic. She's beautiful.

My second daughter- She's smart. She's silly. She's a sunny personality. She's my snugglebunny. She's kind. She's affectionate. She's sensitive. She's creative & artistic. She is well-behaved, but ornery too. She is a bit of a fashionista. She's feminine, very girly. She's beautiful.

Obviously these lists aren't complete. Some qualities can't be put into words, or perhaps I just lack the talent to do so. But these are the things I hold in my heart. Not the talking-back. Not the overflowing backpacks in the entryway. Not the glass of apple cider that no one will claim. It's the spontaneous hugs & kisses, the fits of giggles & pride when they help another that I carry with me every day. It's good to take some time to really refect on the things & people that matter. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I urge you to count your blessings & be grateful for what you have.

I don't know. If you believe in God, maybe this is His plan & the rest is just the players going off-script. If you believe in Karma, maybe you do get what you give, because other than the mess, I've got no complaints. (About the people! I do have a few about some of their actions!! I'm me afterall.) I think I've been a decent person & I think I've got a wonderful family & fantastic friends to show for it. I'm a very lucky woman. Afterall, they love me.